I did it again and it was not a good thing

Apparently, I'm not as smart as Mom says I am. Last week, um, I think it was last week - I'm a dog and I'm not real good with time - I rolled in some wonderful stinky stuff. Dad was not pleased when he scrubbed me down. We have lots of critters around and I couldn't help myself. It's what a dog does sometimes.

Well, I forgot I did that and that was not smart. Mom and Dad were talking about how to hang a ladder on the carport where the John Deere 1023 is parked and not paying attention to little ol' me. I found something I thought was sweet. 

I was wrong. It was NOT sweet. 

I rolled in it again and it was a BIG mistake. Mom saw me drop and roll and there was no way for me to run and hide from her. It got nasty, and I'm not talking about the smell. 

Mom put on blue rubber gloves, grabbed a bottle of dish detergent, and squirted me with soap. Man, oh man, did she scrub me down. And she wasn't gentle about. Once I was all soapy, she grabbed my collar and dragged me to the hose. I knew what was coming. COLD water. Lots and lots of cold water to rinse away the soap. 

Why is the cold water in the creek fun but cold water out of the hose not fun?

I had to stay on the patio and dry off for a long time. By myself. I was a little worried at the time. What if Mom decided I needed to sleep outside? I would not like that. 

Anyway, I'm all clean and shiny tonight, not to mention anti-bacterial. Critter droppings could have bad things in it, you know. 

I'm hoping Mom lets me on the bed but I'm not sure that will happen even though I smell okay again. She's been shaking her finger at me and reminding me I was bad every time I try to say I'm sorry. Mom does not like stinky, smelly stuff. I really must remember that. 

She'll forgive me by tomorrow morning. She always does because I'm Deuce, and I'm her dog and we're a pack.