Monday, June 7, 2021

What the hell was that?????


Let's be clear about one thing - I'm a good dog. There are some things that a good dog should be entitled to, and going out to peepee undisturbed is one of them. I'm sorry when I wake up Mom at 4:00 AM because I can't wait any longer, but even then I should be able to step into the yard without getting dive-bombed by bugs. 

And not just any bug. These are big fu... oops. I'm not supposed to say that word because I'm only five. Anyway, these are big bugs. Like bigger than me! And ugly! And loud! Don't they sleep?

Well, okay. Not really bigger than me - but BIG! 

So here's what happened. I had to go so I nudged at Mom until she woke up. There's a light on the patio that comes on when I trip the sensor. I like this because, hey, in the country. Dark. How would YOU like to walk into the grass in the dark with bare paws? You wouldn't. Anyway, the light came on and BAM!! About six of these big bugs hit me! 

I did not like this.

Mom says it's because they got confused and thought they could mate with me. Um... what? 

Nooo. I'm not that kind of guy! 

I finished up and hot-footed it back through the screen to the safety of my patio. We watched them swarm all over the light until it went out. Then Mom warned me the same thing will happen every time I go out to peepee after dark until all those weird bugs have mated, laid their eggs, and died. The whole thing takes about six weeks. 

Moving to Montana sounds like a really good idea.



Monday, May 31, 2021

I was never that young

Sadie
Sometimes I wonder if Mom will ever learn to consult me before she agrees to do something. I mean, I could head her off at the pass and save us both a lot of aggravation. Yesterday is a prime example of what I'm talking about. 

What am I talking about? Or should that be barking about? Maybe whining. Let's go with whining. (Mom says the correct word is "whinging" but I don't know that one.) ANYWAY, we babysat Sadie yesterday so Cousins Dave and Sharon could go out to dinner for their 40th wedding anniversary. 

I helped. Mom and Dad made me. I had no choice in the matter. 

Okay, so Sadie is a pretty little thing. She's family and I'm snipped and now Mom is glaring at me. Hey, I'm laying out the facts. Sadie is also very perky. She has a lot of energy whereas I'm more reserved as befits a descendant of the St. John's Dog. 

I should have known something was up when Mom walked down the driveway without me. She went to get Sadie so Sadie wouldn't see her Mom and Dad leave her behind and get abandonment issues.

What about me? Mom was quick enough to abandon ME! She never goes on walks without me but off she went. And she came back with Sadie! What about my issues? 

So Mom brings Sadie inside and Sadie jumps on me. I showed her the old pearly whites but she didn't seem to notice. Instead, she beat me on the nose with her paw! I did not like this and told her in no uncertain terms to stop it. She seemed really surprised and sat still and stared at me. 

Once we established that smacking me in the face wasn't okay, things settled down. Sadie stayed with Mom and I guarded Dad. It worked out really well. Sadie and I could discuss things from a distance, which we did. And then Mom took us outside.

You know what? I sort of figured it out. Batting at me with her paws is how Sadie tells me she wants to play! So I played a little and even wagged my tail for her - twice. Mom said that was a good start and took us back inside for treats. 

Having Sadie come for a visit was okay. We got everything figured out, but we're dogs from different packs. We'll have to sort of figure it out again the next time we see each other. That's the way it works when different packs meet.

I think when Sadie is a little older and stops smacking me with her furry feet, we'll get along better. She just has toooooo much energy for a mature guy like me. I gotta tell ya, I was never that young. 




Monday, May 17, 2021

I feel neglected

 

I'm feeling a bit neglected lately. My parents are busy with a bunch of projects and they're ignoring me. Mom's been busy with her tomato seedlings, Dad's been cleaning the guns and designing a shooting range to be built into the hillside. They were both working on the new work/cook station on the patio. They've both been on the tractor and the mowers. 

Where has poor little Deucie been? Stuck in the house, that's where! 

It's not like I get in the way too often. I know to move when the tractor is headed in my direction. I know to move out of the way really fast if Mom has the water hose in her hand. She'll spray me! 

You know, this doesn't make any sense. I love, love, love jumping into the creek but I don't like getting sprayed with the hose. Huh. Does that make me odd? 

Mom told me she's about done with her projects and will take time to play with me more. I hope that means long walks! I'm ready! 

Mom and Dad work hard to make sure I have a good life. I have a nice rug on the patio now, and shady places to stretch out and relax while I keep an eye on everything. I guess I shouldn't complain when they leave me inside for my own protection. 

Then again, I'm Deuce. I'm smart. I'm also getting suspicious. 

They're going to grill steaks on that new Blackstone and if I'm inside, I won't get any. 

They're not getting away with this one! 



Thursday, April 29, 2021

My tummy didn't feel so good


This past Monday was a beautiful day! Mom was home and working on the patio so I got to be outside for a long time. I loved it! I had my squeaky ball and I chewed on it for hours! 

But I also ate some grass, which Mom doesn't like for me to do. I forgot it upsets my tummy. 

And you should have heard the noises my tummy made! Moans and groans, gurgles and whistles. I didn't know I could make noises like that. It would have been awesome if I hadn't felt a little green. Like the grass. Maybe I should word associate. Don't eat green things or I'll feel green.

Mom gave me some chicken broth and I felt better. I'd do a lot to get chicken broth, but maybe eating grass isn't a good thing. 

Maybe I should listen to Mom and Dad when they tell me to stop nibbling on stuff. 



Sunday, April 25, 2021

They gave me no warning!

Mom and Dad have this annoying little saying - live and learn. Uh-huh. I learned yesterday. 

I learned I do not like the drive-thru car wash. Nope. 

Yesterday, the parents needed to go to Lowe's. Now, I'm always up for a trip to the home improvement store. Like, up into my truck! I love, love, love my big blue truck! What was I saying?

Oh, yeah. Trip to Lowe's. It's a good thing. 

Mom opened my door for me, Dad got in to drive, and off we went. Then Mom told Dad she'd pay for it if he'd run the truck through the car wash. My truck really did have a thick yellow coating of pollen on it, for sure. I thought the words "car wash" sounded vaguely familiar, but I wasn't sure what she meant. 

I think I might remember next time. The car wash is a pretty scary place. 

It started out fine. We were in my truck and Dad never drives it into places he can't drive out of. Then there was a loud voice and an even louder beeping sound, and then water sprayed all over my truck until Dad stopped. He stopped in this tunnel! I didn't like that much. Then it got worse! 

These funky pillars with brushes started to move. The brushes started to spin and pound on my truck! I did not like this! But Mom and Dad sat there like it was the most normal thing in the world! Why?!

I started to growl and Mom put her hand on my chest and I know to shut up when she does that. 

And then it got worse!

The brushes stopped and Dad drove forward and these big vent things blew air and it was freaky loud. I did not like that sound at all! 

And do you know what the very worst of the worst was? I didn't even get a snackie for living through all that. 


***Note... Deuce, this is your Dad. What about that cheeseburger I bought you on the way home?***




Sunday, April 4, 2021

Walking season 2021 is here! Yea!


I get confused sometimes. Mom and Dad said the weather has "broken." Huh? I didn't know we could break the weather? Humans can do that? That's freaky.

Whatever they did, I'm happy they did it. Today it's sunny and 66F outside with no wind. Apparently, that's what Mom's been waiting for. When she asked me if I wanted to go for a long walk, well of course I said yes! 

Really, Mom, you don't need to ask me if I want to go anywhere. If you're going, then I'm going. If you say okay. 

Mom has a new video camera so she took video of almost the entire walk so she could learn what she needs to do to get a good video of me. Well, me and everything else. I think she'd rather drop a cheap camera in the creek than her expensive phone, and I get that. 

The pond loop is a lot of fun. We get to cross three big creeks and a bunch of small run-offs from mountain springs. I'm not afraid to jump right in, but Mom likes to keep her hiking boots dry. She rock hops to get across. 

It's fun being out in the woods. There are lots of things to smell and hear but I never forget I have a job to do and that's to help protect Mom. We saw two joggers, three hikers, and two other dogs. It was all cool, though. I knew right away they wouldn't bother us. The other dogs were really good, but not quite as well-behaved as me. I walked right past them without stopping - Mom had put me on my leash - and I kept going. I didn't bark, whine, pull on the leash, or anything! Mom taught me that when I'm on the leash, I'm to walk beside her and stay there. So that's what I did. 

When we got home, Mom told me we walked almost three miles. It would have been more but we zipped across the woods in one place once Mom realized the creeks were running so deep. That was fun, too. 

Mom thinks I'm really good company for on a long walk, but I think SHE'S the best company I could have. She always takes a bunch of snackies along just for me and I get extra since I'm burning off the calories. 

I'm Deuce and I'm REALLY glad walking season is here!


Sunday, March 28, 2021

Where's mine?

 
You know, it's tough to be the dog in this house. What does a guy have to do to get a donut all to himself? 

I'm a good dog. I don't jump on people and knock them down. I don't bark too much. I never, ever pee-pee inside the den, er, house. And even with all the factual evidence in MY favor, I don't get a donut to call my own. 

Yes, Mom and Dad always give me little biteys of their donuts, but it's not the same. The dog is a second-class citizen here. I guess I should be happy I rank above the cat. 

Mom - I love donuts! You know this! I'd be so grateful if just once I could have a whole donut!

Dad - Can't you convince Mom it would be okay to give me a whole donut? 

My patience isn't infinite. I'm a dog. Sooner or later you won't be watching closely enough and I will snatch the prize.

Don't say you were never warned. 



Friday, March 26, 2021

Black panther spotted in my yard!

 Mom thinks she's funny with that blog title, but she's not far off. Loki is black and slinky, and he is a nasty feline. And he does catch mice and moles, so that's a good thing. 

He's a strange little cat, though. He's like one-tenth my size and yet he attacks me, which is pretty brave of him. It annoys me to no end. How would you like it if he bapped you in the face all the time? You wouldn't. He keeps his claws pulled in which is the ONLY reason I haven't taught him a serious lesson. 

Mom and I go outside every morning and take a little stroll so I can do my outside activities. This morning, Loki walked along. He behaved so it was cool. When Mom stopped to take pictures of the daffodils, Loki hopped up on a stump and acted like a big dog, er, big cat. He thinks he's the king of the mountain or something. Of course, Mom had to take his picture. She took one of me smelling the flowers, so it's okay. Having a picture of Loki on my blog every once in a while is not so bad.

It's a good thing to stop and smell the flowers, especially for Mom. I'm with her all the time and I know she's always busy taking care of me and Dad, and even Loki. She said maybe tomorrow we'd get to go on a long walk, maybe take the pond loop again. I'd really like that and she'd get to see if the old, abandoned homestead still has daffodils bloom in the spring. 

And no, I did not tinkle on the daffodils! 

I'm Deuce and I have a little couth. 



Tuesday, March 23, 2021

We have an interloper and I don't like it

 Now I know what, or is it who, I keep hearing at night. It's a raccoon! I don't like this at all!

Mom's not really happy about it either, let me tell ya. She looked at Dad and said, "GET THE GUN." Now those are serious words from Mom. 

According to the time stamp on the trail com, Mom and Dad need to be lurking around outside around 5:00 AM. Which could really be 4:00 AM now. I'm still confused about the time change. Anyway, this critter must go and we don't care if it leaves by way of a cage or worse. Much, much worse for the critter. 

Mom and Dad told me raccoons carry a disease called rabies which is really pretty horrible. Loki and I have had shots to keep us from getting it, although Loki is due his booster. They don't give people shots unless they're exposed, which is sort of dangerous. 

If a dog or a human gets rabies, they die. End of their story. 

So the critter has to go. That's the end of its story.

Wednesday, March 17, 2021

I have a really cool backyard

I'm a country boy, and my backyard is really cool! Except at night when it's really, really dark. I make Mom go with me when it's dark. Anyway...

My backyard is a country dog's dream. I have room to run or just take a leisurely stroll and sniff. Boy, is there a lot to sniff! I can tell right away how many deer have been in my yard with just one sniff. 

It's a big yard to police, but I'm up for the job. I know every tree, every rock, every little thing in my yard. Sometimes Mom and Dad will move big rocks or pick up a bunch of sticks to put on the burn pile and I know when they do. 

I really do have a good dog's life. A warm bed to sleep in with Mom and Dad, plenty of food and water, a big yard for amusement, and best of all, I have Mom and Dad. I'm very lucky.

When I was little, Mom didn't allow me to go outside on my own. Sometimes I even had to be on a leash. I don't mind a leash. It's like I'm connected to Mom and that's cool. But it's pretty cool she trusts me to go sniff around and do dog things, too. She knows that most of the time I keep her in view because I don't want her to get away from me. 

My woods are more fun this time of year because I can see everything. In the summer, everything is green and growing and I lose sight-lines. And there are no ticks right now. Ticks are the worst!

The backyard is fun, but it's always good to get back inside the den, er, house, and warm up my paws. Yep, I sure have a good life.