Thursday, April 29, 2021

My tummy didn't feel so good

This past Monday was a beautiful day! Mom was home and working on the patio so I got to be outside for a long time. I loved it! I had my squeaky ball and I chewed on it for hours! 

But I also ate some grass, which Mom doesn't like for me to do. I forgot it upsets my tummy. 

And you should have heard the noises my tummy made! Moans and groans, gurgles and whistles. I didn't know I could make noises like that. It would have been awesome if I hadn't felt a little green. Like the grass. Maybe I should word associate. Don't eat green things or I'll feel green.

Mom gave me some chicken broth and I felt better. I'd do a lot to get chicken broth, but maybe eating grass isn't a good thing. 

Maybe I should listen to Mom and Dad when they tell me to stop nibbling on stuff. 

Sunday, April 25, 2021

They gave me no warning!

Mom and Dad have this annoying little saying - live and learn. Uh-huh. I learned yesterday. 

I learned I do not like the drive-thru car wash. Nope. 

Yesterday, the parents needed to go to Lowe's. Now, I'm always up for a trip to the home improvement store. Like, up into my truck! I love, love, love my big blue truck! What was I saying?

Oh, yeah. Trip to Lowe's. It's a good thing. 

Mom opened my door for me, Dad got in to drive, and off we went. Then Mom told Dad she'd pay for it if he'd run the truck through the car wash. My truck really did have a thick yellow coating of pollen on it, for sure. I thought the words "car wash" sounded vaguely familiar, but I wasn't sure what she meant. 

I think I might remember next time. The car wash is a pretty scary place. 

It started out fine. We were in my truck and Dad never drives it into places he can't drive out of. Then there was a loud voice and an even louder beeping sound, and then water sprayed all over my truck until Dad stopped. He stopped in this tunnel! I didn't like that much. Then it got worse! 

These funky pillars with brushes started to move. The brushes started to spin and pound on my truck! I did not like this! But Mom and Dad sat there like it was the most normal thing in the world! Why?!

I started to growl and Mom put her hand on my chest and I know to shut up when she does that. 

And then it got worse!

The brushes stopped and Dad drove forward and these big vent things blew air and it was freaky loud. I did not like that sound at all! 

And do you know what the very worst of the worst was? I didn't even get a snackie for living through all that. 

***Note... Deuce, this is your Dad. What about that cheeseburger I bought you on the way home?***

Sunday, April 4, 2021

Walking season 2021 is here! Yea!

I get confused sometimes. Mom and Dad said the weather has "broken." Huh? I didn't know we could break the weather? Humans can do that? That's freaky.

Whatever they did, I'm happy they did it. Today it's sunny and 66F outside with no wind. Apparently, that's what Mom's been waiting for. When she asked me if I wanted to go for a long walk, well of course I said yes! 

Really, Mom, you don't need to ask me if I want to go anywhere. If you're going, then I'm going. If you say okay. 

Mom has a new video camera so she took video of almost the entire walk so she could learn what she needs to do to get a good video of me. Well, me and everything else. I think she'd rather drop a cheap camera in the creek than her expensive phone, and I get that. 

The pond loop is a lot of fun. We get to cross three big creeks and a bunch of small run-offs from mountain springs. I'm not afraid to jump right in, but Mom likes to keep her hiking boots dry. She rock hops to get across. 

It's fun being out in the woods. There are lots of things to smell and hear but I never forget I have a job to do and that's to help protect Mom. We saw two joggers, three hikers, and two other dogs. It was all cool, though. I knew right away they wouldn't bother us. The other dogs were really good, but not quite as well-behaved as me. I walked right past them without stopping - Mom had put me on my leash - and I kept going. I didn't bark, whine, pull on the leash, or anything! Mom taught me that when I'm on the leash, I'm to walk beside her and stay there. So that's what I did. 

When we got home, Mom told me we walked almost three miles. It would have been more but we zipped across the woods in one place once Mom realized the creeks were running so deep. That was fun, too. 

Mom thinks I'm really good company for on a long walk, but I think SHE'S the best company I could have. She always takes a bunch of snackies along just for me and I get extra since I'm burning off the calories. 

I'm Deuce and I'm REALLY glad walking season is here!

Sunday, March 28, 2021

Where's mine?

You know, it's tough to be the dog in this house. What does a guy have to do to get a donut all to himself? 

I'm a good dog. I don't jump on people and knock them down. I don't bark too much. I never, ever pee-pee inside the den, er, house. And even with all the factual evidence in MY favor, I don't get a donut to call my own. 

Yes, Mom and Dad always give me little biteys of their donuts, but it's not the same. The dog is a second-class citizen here. I guess I should be happy I rank above the cat. 

Mom - I love donuts! You know this! I'd be so grateful if just once I could have a whole donut!

Dad - Can't you convince Mom it would be okay to give me a whole donut? 

My patience isn't infinite. I'm a dog. Sooner or later you won't be watching closely enough and I will snatch the prize.

Don't say you were never warned. 

Friday, March 26, 2021

Black panther spotted in my yard!

 Mom thinks she's funny with that blog title, but she's not far off. Loki is black and slinky, and he is a nasty feline. And he does catch mice and moles, so that's a good thing. 

He's a strange little cat, though. He's like one-tenth my size and yet he attacks me, which is pretty brave of him. It annoys me to no end. How would you like it if he bapped you in the face all the time? You wouldn't. He keeps his claws pulled in which is the ONLY reason I haven't taught him a serious lesson. 

Mom and I go outside every morning and take a little stroll so I can do my outside activities. This morning, Loki walked along. He behaved so it was cool. When Mom stopped to take pictures of the daffodils, Loki hopped up on a stump and acted like a big dog, er, big cat. He thinks he's the king of the mountain or something. Of course, Mom had to take his picture. She took one of me smelling the flowers, so it's okay. Having a picture of Loki on my blog every once in a while is not so bad.

It's a good thing to stop and smell the flowers, especially for Mom. I'm with her all the time and I know she's always busy taking care of me and Dad, and even Loki. She said maybe tomorrow we'd get to go on a long walk, maybe take the pond loop again. I'd really like that and she'd get to see if the old, abandoned homestead still has daffodils bloom in the spring. 

And no, I did not tinkle on the daffodils! 

I'm Deuce and I have a little couth. 

Tuesday, March 23, 2021

We have an interloper and I don't like it

 Now I know what, or is it who, I keep hearing at night. It's a raccoon! I don't like this at all!

Mom's not really happy about it either, let me tell ya. She looked at Dad and said, "GET THE GUN." Now those are serious words from Mom. 

According to the time stamp on the trail com, Mom and Dad need to be lurking around outside around 5:00 AM. Which could really be 4:00 AM now. I'm still confused about the time change. Anyway, this critter must go and we don't care if it leaves by way of a cage or worse. Much, much worse for the critter. 

Mom and Dad told me raccoons carry a disease called rabies which is really pretty horrible. Loki and I have had shots to keep us from getting it, although Loki is due his booster. They don't give people shots unless they're exposed, which is sort of dangerous. 

If a dog or a human gets rabies, they die. End of their story. 

So the critter has to go. That's the end of its story.

Wednesday, March 17, 2021

I have a really cool backyard

I'm a country boy, and my backyard is really cool! Except at night when it's really, really dark. I make Mom go with me when it's dark. Anyway...

My backyard is a country dog's dream. I have room to run or just take a leisurely stroll and sniff. Boy, is there a lot to sniff! I can tell right away how many deer have been in my yard with just one sniff. 

It's a big yard to police, but I'm up for the job. I know every tree, every rock, every little thing in my yard. Sometimes Mom and Dad will move big rocks or pick up a bunch of sticks to put on the burn pile and I know when they do. 

I really do have a good dog's life. A warm bed to sleep in with Mom and Dad, plenty of food and water, a big yard for amusement, and best of all, I have Mom and Dad. I'm very lucky.

When I was little, Mom didn't allow me to go outside on my own. Sometimes I even had to be on a leash. I don't mind a leash. It's like I'm connected to Mom and that's cool. But it's pretty cool she trusts me to go sniff around and do dog things, too. She knows that most of the time I keep her in view because I don't want her to get away from me. 

My woods are more fun this time of year because I can see everything. In the summer, everything is green and growing and I lose sight-lines. And there are no ticks right now. Ticks are the worst!

The backyard is fun, but it's always good to get back inside the den, er, house, and warm up my paws. Yep, I sure have a good life. 

Saturday, March 13, 2021

I helped by staying out of the way!

Deuce helps make garden racks
The weather was great today! Not too cold, not too hot, just right for Mom, Dad, and me being outside. Mom had all this garden stuff she wanted to do and she needed Dad's expertise with the cordless drill to get it done today. I helped by staying out of the way. I mean, the sun was sooooo warm and my fur is black and it was sooooo nice to just flop in the grass and feel the warmth of the sun on my toes. 

We have an old pool pad beside the front porch. My parents used to put a pool on it but it's gotten sort of dangerous for Dad to climb in and out of a pool so Mom's using the spot for what she calls her garden corral. Dad helped put down a new tarp, build the racks, and get them set in place. 

Here's the problem with all this. So Mom is growing veggies. 

Peppers. I can't eat them.
Cucumbers. I don't like them.
Radishes. Yuk.
Spinach. Double yuk yuk! 
The Garden Corral ready to go

Carrots. Um... maybe, but probably not.
Lettuce- four kinds. No, no, no.
Peas. Nope.
Tomatoes. No.
Pumpkin. Yes! But I have to wait so long to get some!
Watermelon. Heck, yea!! Make me some frozen treats! 

Are Dad and I glad there's no kale on this list? YES!

So as you can see, there's not a lot for lil' ol' me to enjoy in the garden corral. I have a sneaky suspicion that if I forget myself and pee-pee on any of Mom's grow bags, I'll be in the deep doggie doo-doo. 

Tomorrow, Dad's getting on the John Deere 1023 and helping Mom do a few more things. Cousin Dave gave Mom some blocks to build a wall down on the turn of the driveway. Those careless Amazon delivery drivers have turned the corner into a muddy mess by driving up the bank. Mom and Dad say some nice concrete will stop them from being able to do that. It's a shame Mom won't let me scare any of the delivery drivers.

Not that I'd EVER scare Mary the Mail Lady. She's pretty cool. She likes me a lot and always gives me a treat. Plus, Dad says she knows how to drive slowly and is respectful of our lane, not like the Amazon drivers. Mom used to get my treats through an Amazon subscription and she canceled it because the drivers are so disrespectful. She told me not to worry, though. She can get my snackies at lots of other places. 

The thing is that if this silly garden corral makes Mom happy, Dad and I will go along with it. If Mom wants to make pickles, we want to watch. If Mom wants a big salad made with lettuce she grew in a grow bag, we'll stand back and let her enjoy it. And if Mom wants to raise a steer for steaks, we're all in!

How about it, Mom? Got any plans for beef?

****Note from Mom****
Sorry, baby. You know I'd turn a calf into a pet and then where would we be?

Sunday, March 7, 2021

This seed thing is taking over!


I think Mom has gone round the bend. The sun is shining, true, but the ground is still chilly. I know this because I don't wear shoes! I'm outside running around in my bare paws! 

Mom says it's March, and March is the time to start planting seeds. There are little seed trays in the front window and two butt-ugly red pots on the sunroom floor in front of the door. Plus, Mom was just outside mixing garden soil, cow manure, and potting mix together in the one cart. Then she filled two grow bags with what she'd mixed and mumbled something about radishes and spinach. They don't sound very good to me, especially the spinach. Dad doesn't like it so neither do I. 

It was forty degrees outside this morning and seventy-eight in the little greenhouse. Mom was in the greenhouse talking to the celery. I just don't get it, but I'm getting worried about her. I've tasted celery and it's not my thing, just like radishes and spinach. I know a decent snackie when I smell one and seeds miss the mark. 

And Mom fussed me for something I didn't do! Okay, I did think about it, but she said "no" and I stopped. How often do I get the chance to roll in cow manure? Never, that's how often. And it was only a little clump that dropped out of the bag, not the entire bag. 

Some days I just don't have any fun at all. 

Saturday, February 27, 2021

I protest this unfair treatment!


A long time ago I said I wished I had thumbs so I could help Mom carry stuff. I was a lot younger then, like only one.  A lot has changed since then. I've recently decided I should stop coveting thumbs. Like just yesterday I decided. Dad has thumbs and it didn't help him cook. 

Now, Dad's a pretty good cook. I love, love, love it when he cooks eggs. Eggs are good, well, maybe not as good as steak, but good. Getting steak in this house just became problematic.

Dad's also a good bread baker. Mom and I talk about this sometimes when I'm in her office begging for snackies. She tells me I had bites of bread and that's all I get until morning. I do not like this but I'm a good boy and I listen. 

Soooo, Dad was making something called pita pockets. They are de-lish, for the record. He used his favorite skillet, the one he sears steaks in, for his project. He also used a rubber spatula in a hot skillet. 

And this is why there will be no steak fat for the dog, a.k.a. ME, in the foreseeable future. 

This is cruel and unusual punishment. I protest!