Saturday, November 16, 2019

New gadgets

Mom finally got a new phone. Boy, am I glad that doesn't happen every day! The new phone makes a lot of noise and that means Mom is making a lot of noise. Apparently, all the beeps, tweeps, and bells annoy Mom. She's concentrating on silencing all that, and getting her ringtones back. The girl at the store told Mom her ringtones would transfer, but the girl lied. Mom is not happy about that. 

My growling every time the phone made a noise annoyed Mom, but I'm Deuce. I'm Mom's favorite guy and she can't stay annoyed with me. I'm just doing my job. I'm supposed to alert Mom and Dad to strange noises. Am I right? 

Mom being Mom, she took the very first picture with the new phone of ME! I knew she would. I'm her very favorite photo subject. Even Dad doesn't rank higher than me when it comes to pictures. 

Now I have to ask - does that photo make my butt look big? 

Oh? What did Mom get? She got an A10e, whatever that means. That's what Dad has. He says they can share what they learn and Mom didn't say no, so that means they will. 

I'm Deuce and I know how Mom thinks.  

Thursday, November 14, 2019

Yes! Pumpkin pie!

Mom gets these emails from a group called AKC. The email today was about what foods I can eat at Thanksgiving.

I am sooooooooo thankful pumpkin pie is on the list!!

I'm Deuce, and I love pumpkin pie!

Is it Thanksgiving yet?

Tuesday, November 5, 2019

Pizza time!

I'm a pretty smart fellow. I know a lot of words and one of them is "pizza." So when Mom says it's pizza for dinner, I'm right there! 

Usually, if we have pizza it's on Thursday night or Saturday afternoon, but Mom was tired this evening. 

I'm not sure what the best part of the pizza is. Well, I DO, but I never get a whole slice. I get bits and bites but I'll take it. I love pepperoni! Sausage, too! And the crust! The crust is best when it crunches. 

I was waiting for Dad to give me a bite when Mom took my picture. Notice how nice and polite I am while I patiently wait for crumbs. I don't jump up or paw at Dad. I KNOW he's going to give me bites because Dad takes care of me that way. Mom does, too. 

I'm Deuce, and I'm a good dog for pizza. 

Saturday, October 26, 2019

He's behind me, isn't he?

I love Saturdays! Mom is home with me and Dad on Saturday. We do what Mom calls "puttering." It means we do a lot of little chores. Today, Mom helped Dad hang two lights in the shed and then she took the John Deere 1023 around the yard and picked up big sticks. 

Dad was tidying his workbench while Mom picked up sticks. I had to stay with him because Mom does not like it when I get in front of the tractor. I know how to stay out of the way but she doesn't care. She'll yell at me if I get in the way and that is not a good thing for me. 

Mom was ready to park the 1023 when Dad said he wanted to check the air in the tires. I was resting on a little pile of leaves when Mom got out the cell phone to take my picture. I wasn't paying enough attention to what was going on. I was focused on Mom and Dad, like I should be. 

Then I heard Mom call out to Loki

He's behind me, isn't he???

Friday, October 25, 2019

I don't like ramps

I haven't felt like talking for a while. My leg bothers me. The medicine helps some, but I can't do everything I want to do and that makes me mopey. 

Mom got me a ramp and I don't like it much. She meant well. She thought it would help me get on the bed at night. Mom likes me to sleep at the foot of the bed, and I like it, too. It's my spot at night. I can be close and watch over her and see out the window at the same time.

Anyway, I do not like the ramp. Mom is not happy with me that I won't use it. Last night, Mom and Dad ganged up on me and I had no choice but to walk up the ramp. 

The funny thing is, I go up the ramp Cousin Dave built onto the front porch without any problems. I use this new ramp to get into my pickup so I can go for a ride. 

I guess the thing is, I like it when Mom helps me onto the bed. It makes me remember when I was a little guy and she carried me. I'm a lot bigger now and I weigh eighty-three pounds. Mom can barely give me a boost onto the bed. 

Even after I have surgery, I won't be able to jump for a long time. I need to dog-up and get over myself and use the ramp. 

Friday, September 13, 2019

I had a rough night after a vet visit

I had to go to the vet yesterday evening, and I didn't like it much. Neither did Mom and Dad, but they felt they had to take me. My leg has really been hurting, and Mom said it was time for better pain relief than baby aspirin. 

I like riding in Mom's car. It's smoooth. I thought we were going to Sonic for dinner, but noooo. Next time I'll pay closer attention. Getting into the car was no fun at all because Mom had to help me get into the back seat. It was embarrassing. 

Once we got to the vet's office, about 5:15 PM, we were right away whisked into a little room. A girl came in and asked a bunch of questions. Half an hour later the vet came in and asked questions. He said I was going to get a shot of something called Dilaudid and right then and there Mom should have said NO. 

So half an hour after the doc said the shot was coming, about 6:30 PM, I got it. Half an hour after that, all I could do was pant. Then it really got bad. They took me to a different room for the vet to "examine" me. Mom was not pleased they separated us. I bet Dad had to hold her back. Anyway, the vet checked my spine, hips, and legs, and told Mom and Dad what they already knew - I have a torn cruciate. 

I don't know what, exactly, the vet told Mom and Dad because they made me stay in a different room. I know I didn't like it. I didn't feel good and I needed MOM. Instead, they HELD ME HOSTAGE UNTIL MOM PAID. I'm only a dog but I know that wasn't them taking good care of me. I should have been returned to Mom and Dad right away. Dad would have looked after me while Mom paid. It was 8:00 PM and dark before we left. We were there three hours! 

Mom had to help me into the car again. On the ride home is when I learned I have two medicines to take and I'm not supposed to jump on and off any furniture. Say what?? No napping on the couch? Okay, I can deal with that, but I sleep with Mom. It's what I do, so that's a non-negotiable fact. Lucky for me Mom agrees. She helped me onto the bed last night. 

I was so sick. My stomach gurgled and roiled and hurt but I never threw up. Mom lay down with me and cuddled me because all I could do was whimper and shake. Mom kept rubbing my back and telling me how good I was and finally I went to sleep for a while, but not long enough. 

I had to pee but I couldn't remember how. Mom took me back outside and all I could do was stand there and sway. I tried to go into the woods and now that I think about it, it was dark! I don't go into the woods in the dark now that I'm all mature and everything. 

After a while, Mom and Dad put me back in bed, and they made sure I could sleep between them. That was okay. I liked that. I felt safe with both of them with me and I finally went to sleep for real. When Mom's alarm went off at 6:00 AM, I woke up and felt much better. I peed and peed and peed when we went outside! Then Mom gave me two pills wrapped up in a cheese slice. I love cheese! 

But now Mom is using a word I don't like the sound of - surgery. 

Nope. Don't like the sound of that at all. My boy bits hurt the last time I had surgery. This does not bode well for little ol' me.

Monday, September 2, 2019

I did it again and it was not a good thing

Apparently, I'm not as smart as Mom says I am. Last week, um, I think it was last week - I'm a dog and I'm not real good with time - I rolled in some wonderful stinky stuff. Dad was not pleased when he scrubbed me down. We have lots of critters around and I couldn't help myself. It's what a dog does sometimes.

Well, I forgot I did that and that was not smart. Mom and Dad were talking about how to hang a ladder on the carport where the John Deere 1023 is parked and not paying attention to little ol' me. I found something I thought was sweet. 

I was wrong. It was NOT sweet. 

I rolled in it again and it was a BIG mistake. Mom saw me drop and roll and there was no way for me to run and hide from her. It got nasty, and I'm not talking about the smell. 

Mom put on blue rubber gloves, grabbed a bottle of dish detergent, and squirted me with soap. Man, oh man, did she scrub me down. And she wasn't gentle about. Once I was all soapy, she grabbed my collar and dragged me to the hose. I knew what was coming. COLD water. Lots and lots of cold water to rinse away the soap. 

Why is the cold water in the creek fun but cold water out of the hose not fun?

I had to stay on the patio and dry off for a long time. By myself. I was a little worried at the time. What if Mom decided I needed to sleep outside? I would not like that. 

Anyway, I'm all clean and shiny tonight, not to mention anti-bacterial. Critter droppings could have bad things in it, you know. 

I'm hoping Mom lets me on the bed but I'm not sure that will happen even though I smell okay again. She's been shaking her finger at me and reminding me I was bad every time I try to say I'm sorry. Mom does not like stinky, smelly stuff. I really must remember that. 

She'll forgive me by tomorrow morning. She always does because I'm Deuce, and I'm her dog and we're a pack. 

Saturday, August 31, 2019

We were busy!

We had a really busy day today. Mom was up at the butt-crack of dawn because Cousin Dave and Cousin John were on board to help her move a cabinet. Then Cousin Randy came to get a lawnmower and a string trimmer. And if that wasn't enough, Mom and Dad had to go to town for diesel fuel for the John Deere 1023, and gasoline for the riding mowers. I got to ride along! It was great!

Of course, I let Mom know I wanted to go. As soon as the truck door was opened, I was right there waiting for the okay to get in. I like to look around once I'm in the truck to see what I might have missed when my back was turned. It turns out I didn't miss a thing.

Dad drove down the old mountain road. Mom says it's a scenic drive. I'll take her word for it 'cause I didn't spot a single deer. Not a one. All I saw was a forest full of trees with the sunlight streaming through the leaves. Maybe Mom likes that but I think it's a bit boring.

Once we got to town, Mom went into a store and got a bag of sugar, some beer for Dad, and wine for herself. Then we got fuel and Dad decided he needed to backtrack to the bank machine for more cash. We got home and had lunch, and then Mom and Dad went to Lowe's without me. Can you believe that? As good as I was all morning and they made me stay home. No fair. 

After they got home I understood why I had to stay. They took Dad's scooter and there wasn't room for me. I'm a smart dog. I don't like it, but I get it. 

It's almost dark now. Mom's helping me blog and Dad's watching TV. As soon as me and Mom are finished, I'm taking a nap. I bet if I hop up on the bed, Mom will join me. 

I wonder what we're going to do tomorrow? Maybe we should rest. It'll be Sunday, after all. 

Thursday, August 22, 2019

I rolled in it and Dad was not happy

I'm a country dog. I think we established that a while back. I live a really good life. Mom and Dad take great care of me. I even get puppy burgers. I looove puppy burgers! What was I saying?

Oh yeah. Living in the country is fun. I get to chase deer and crows all the time. I've seen foxes, coons, groundhogs, turkeys, snakes, and even skunks. Skunks are not a good thing.

All the critters have interesting smells, and sometimes I can't help but be a dog's dog. Dad and I went for a walk yesterday and I smelled something on the ground - so I rolled on it. 

Big mistake. 

Apparently, it did not leave me smelling like a rose.

Dad was not pleased. He called Mom (she was at work) and she told him to scrub me down with dish detergent, the antibacterial kind. So he did. Man, was the water he dumped on me cold! And he made me stay outside for a long time before he threw water on me, too. 

By the time Mom got home, I was dry again. She checked me out and I'm so glad to report I passed her sniff test. If I hadn't, she was going to get the hose out and squirt me with more soap and cold water! 

I'm Deuce. I'm a smart dog. I hope I remember WHY it's bad to roll in things that smell good. Cold water. That's why. 

Monday, July 29, 2019

I almost got flapped

There was an incident this morning. I'm ashamed to admit, I didn't protect Mom. 

Mom finally came to her senses and is home with me and Dad every Monday. I like that! Mom should be with me every day, but I'll take what I can get for now. Being home with me three days a week is better than just two days a week. 

The weather was really nice this morning. Mom got up at her normal time, about six o'clock, and we went outside so I could do all my morning activities. When I was done, Mom fixed a cup of coffee (I don't like coffee, personally) and we went back outside to sit on our private little porch. It really was a fine country morning. No one was outside making noise, not even cousin Dave. 

So there I was, sitting on the porch admiring the nice mowing job Mom did on the front yard, and this wild turkey hen came strolling down the lower driveway and into the yard! And she had two little poults with her! 

I'm not allowed to chase Bambi and Kambi, but Mom never said a thing about turkeys!!!!!

I barked and barked and that hen ignored me. Being ignored is irritating so I decided to go have a chat with this big bird. I stepped off the porch and that's when it happened. That hen turned and stretched out her neck and flapped her wings and came toward me!! Well, I could tell right away she meant business and if I didn't back up, I was going to get a flapping and pecking. 

I didn't think I'd like that so I stopped as fast as I could. 

I don't remember much after that. Um, yeah. that's it. I forget what happened next. Let's go with that, not that I tucked my tail between my legs and headed for the back door and left Mom unguarded. What was I thinking to leave Mom outside with a crazed bird????

Mom came around and left me in the house, and she was laughing at me. Apparently, my shame is humorous to humans. But she gave me a Griller and told me I'm a good dog so we're good, and that's the important thing. 

The next time I see a wild turkey, I'll know what to do. I'll just bark. I'll look a lot braver in front of Mom that way.