Friday, June 5, 2020

That thing is ugly

Our pack lives in the country and that means we have a lot of critters around. We have deer, foxes - I don't like foxes. They pee in my yard and I'm not happy about that. Plus, they have a weird bark that wakes me up at night. Someone said there's even been a bear spotted around here but I've not seen him.

We have squirrels, chipmunks, raccoons, opossums, all sorts of birds including wild turkeys, snakes, frogs, fish, salamanders, and we have toads. 

Toads. Toads are sort of ugly and they sing. At least singing is what Mom calls it. I call it noise. 

Last night, when Mom and I went out for my last trip before bedtime, there was a huge toad on my patio. I did not like this. Where was Loki? Loki likes to chase little critters off the patio. He was falling down on the job. 

So today, the toad was in the flower bed beside the patio and it was making a warbling, high pitched noise. It wasn't singing, it was making noise. 

And all Mom did was smile. 

No, Mom. We really don't want to keep the toad. Let it go....

Tuesday, June 2, 2020


I like it when Mom puts food in my hex. It gives me a chance to go chill out in a quiet spot and have a snack. I was feeling a bit grumpy this morning so when Mom fill my hex, I went behind her chair - and of course she took a picture. 

Seriously, Mom? Some mornings a guy just needs a few extra minutes to wake up and feel sociable. 

Hey, Mom! Next time why don't you slip a couple of Grillers in with my chow? That would get my attention and help me wake up. It'd kinda be like YOUR second cup of coffee. 

Tuesday, May 19, 2020

Tending the fire and a strange dog in my yard

Yesterday was another fun day. A couple of weeks ago, at least I think it was weeks because you know dogs don't tell time very well, some big limbs fell out of some trees. The wind blew so hard they snapped off and came down. I don't like the wind. It makes weird sounds in the night and I bark. That gets me fussed for waking Mom.

Where was I?

Oh, yeah! Yesterday. Yesterday Mom and Dad finished burning the brush from when those branches came down. I like it when we can all be outside around a fire. A campfire makes me remember things I've never done. Mom says that's okay, that it's a sort of primal memory. I don't know what that is, I just know I like to watch the fire with Mom and Dad.

The fire burned for a long time. Dad said it was because the wood was still green. Really, Dad? It didn't look green to me. I know dogs don't see all the colors but I'd swear on my treat jar that wood was brown, tan, and gray. 

We did have a couple minutes of excitement. A strange black dog with a red collar came into my yard. The hair stood up on my back and I went after him! He turned and ran away - fast! This is MY yard and I'll defend it! I'll keep an eye out for him, yes, I will, even though Mom says he probably won't ever come back and risk my ire. 

First thing this morning, Mom and I walked out to check the burn pile. It's an ash pile now. But I know my parents. They'll keep gathering all the big sticks and limbs that fall out of the trees and make another brush pile. Then we'll have another day where we can relax and watch the fire. It's just the way things work in my yard. 

Friday, May 8, 2020

I'm the most popular dog for a record 29th year!

Well, not me exactly, but my breed! I'm a Labrador Retriever and the American Kennel Club (where I'm registered), says Labs have been the most popular breed since 1991. Mom says she's not surprised by that. 

We can hunt, we're companions, and we serve. We're smart and adaptable. Heck, we like people! We're easy-going and supposedly energetic, but I don't mind being a couch potato. Being a shining example of my breed is a lot to live up to. 

Mom says we Labs have a great ancestry that traces way back to Newfoundland. We share ancestry with the Newfies but somewhere along the line we got shorter hair and became the St. John's Dog. Then we were taken to England (that's the United Kingdom now) and became Labradors, and stayed Labradors. Black was our original color but now we come in yellow and chocolate. I'm glad I'm black. I'm Deuce! I'm an original!!

But there's one thing I'm really curious about. How come no Lab has ever won the best in show at the big show in Madison Square Garden? Huh? Can someone explain that to me? Mom doesn't know and that's sort of scary because Mom is smart. 

I get it. The fix is in. The judges like little lap dogs. Well, I can sit on their laps if that's what it takes. I might squish them, but hey. Sounds like they need some squishing to get a good look at us Labs.  We're pretty special!

Well, at least I am...  

Sunday, May 3, 2020

A what? What's a frittata? Huh?

Sometimes I worry about Mom. It's only fair because she worries about me all the time. She watches everything I do and everything I eat. And sometimes I don't eat my dogfood because she's baked cookies and cookies are BETTER!! 

I wasn't surprised when she said she was making me a dogfood frittata. I have no idea why she called it that when it was an omelet. It was a cup and a half of my dry dogwood with two eggs scrambled over it. Maybe she wanted to see how I'd react to a new word. She didn't have to guess what I'd do when she put that concoction in my dish.

I ATE IT!!  Yum! Eggs! What's not to like about eggs?

Now Mom's all happy she tricked me into loading up on some protein. I'm on to her tricks but seriously. EGGS!! 

Part of the problem seems to be that Mom always read where Labrador Retrievers (that's me!) will eat anything at any time in any condition. But that's not me. I'm sort of picky about my food. See? Generalizations don't always work. 

Seriously though, Mom. Next time you fix me a dogfood omelet, why don't you add a little cheese on top?

Saturday, April 25, 2020

Why is it a DOGwood?

Mom and Dad and me live way out in the country (yeah, Loki is here, too). It's a great place to be a dog! I don't need to be on a leash and I can pee wherever I feel like. Well, not on Mom's car tires, but just about anywhere else. I know how lucky I am to have so much freedom. A lot of dogs can't run free. 

Mom and  Dad both walk with me a couple of times a day. Mom would like to go on one long walk, but she knows my leg can't take that much stress all at once. I have a torn cruciate, you know. It doesn't bother me unless I run too much or run too hard. Mom and Dad make me behave. Anyway, we go for several shorter walks a day and my leg is fine.

I remind Mom to stop and enjoy life. One of the things she really likes is the wild dogwood tree that grows on the bank. It is pretty right now, but I don't get it. DOGwood? I don't see any other dogs. Lots of white flowers, sure. But dogs? Nope. 

I was curious so I asked Mom to look it up on that computer she has. Her computer knows all sorts of stuff. I know because she reads the articles to me. I do my best to look interested - and I am. All sorts of words I know are in those articles. They don't make a lot of sense, but I know it for sure when I hear "dog," "good," "food," and a bunch of other words. 

So Mom looked it up and it turns out there doesn't seem to be a definitive reason the dogwood tree is called a dogwood tree. One possibility is that it may have been a Celtic word, "dag," or "dagga," and become "dog" over the years. That's like a lot of human stuff that just doesn't make sense to lil' ol' me.

That's okay. I'm Deuce and Mom says I'm a good dog just the way I am. Even if I don't have anything to do with a tree. 

Except to pee on it. 

Monday, April 13, 2020

I made Mom laugh

Okay. What does "dorky" mean? Mom said I looked a little dorky this afternoon. All I was doing was taking a little snooze in front of her chair. Apparently, that's all it takes for her to snap a picture. 

She said, "Puppy, you look like you have flippers instead of paws." 

I love it when she calls me "Puppy!" Being called Puppy is a good thing! It's one of those pack things for just us. 

It's a good thing that I made Mom smile, but honestly, I do not have flippers. I'm not a dolphin. I know what they are because I saw them on the television. 

Next time I want to take a little snooze, I'll do it behind Mom's chair where she can't see me. 

Monday, April 6, 2020

Spring changes in the air

It's been a little strange around the manor the past two weeks. Something weird is going on because Mom has been home a lot lately. Like, seriously a lot. I like it, but it hasn't been all the fun you'd think it would be. Mom and Dad keep talking about getting or not getting "COVID-19." I don't know what that is, but it better not be another skanky cat. Loki is enough!

Our pack is fine the size it is, even with Loki. I guess he's not really much trouble. I even allow him to sleep with me some nights as long as he doesn't get between me and Mom.

Mom does something called "telecommuting." I think all that means is she does stuff for her job from home. That's nothing new, though. She's always done that. She says she can do more and do it better from home since Dad and I keep quiet and let her work. That doesn't happen at her office in town. I give telecommuting my paw print of approval, especially if it will keep Mom and Dad from getting COVID-19. 

One thing I don't get is why Mom isn't bowling. Bowling is her thing. She even gave me one of her old bowling balls to play with! I love to bowl, too! It's a lot of fun. Maybe Mom will get the ball out for me today. That would be so cool! 

Yesterday, Mom sprinkled grass seed all over the front yard. The day before yesterday, Mom and Dad took the John Deere 1023 around the yard and cut off a bunch of low-hanging branches. They burned a little brush pile that was really on cousin Dave's property so Dad can mow that spot. I got to help them once the fire was going, but I wasn't allowed to help them prune branches. It seems I'm not real good at watching what's happening over my head. 

There's more to do. I heard Mom say she wants Dad to take the backhoe and scrape out a shallow trench along the back stone fence so she can separate daffodils and have more bloom next year. I don't get it. We have a lot of daffodils already. Why does Mom need more? 

It's worrisome. If Mom likes to have more of what she loves, does that mean she wants another puppy? Or another cat? 

Or worse, does she want a frog??? The peeper frogs were finally singing last night and Mom told me she loves to hear them because it means the cold weather is really over until next winter. I'm saying no to frogs. No, no, no. 

I'd better pay closer attention to what's really going on around here! I need to head Mom off at the pass! 

* * * * *
Note from Mom: Deuce is only four and he doesn't need to know everything about the COVID-19 epidemic. We don't want to worry him. If the worst happens, we'll explain to him he might have to go live with cousin Dave, but until that becomes a possibility, we want him to be a happy four-year-old. 

Saturday, March 14, 2020

I'm bushed!

What a day we had! I'm bushed. All I want to do is go to bed but Mom says we should blog first. I guess I can stay awake for another ten minutes. I mean, I don't really tell time but Mom said ten minutes so I'm going go with that. 

The day started out a little slow. We didn't get up until almost eight o'clock this morning. That's late for me and Mom. So we went outside so I could do all my outside activities, and then Mom and Dad had coffee and we had breakfast. I love, love, love sausage casserole! I mean - sausage! What's not to love?

So Dad checked the weather and we decided it was a good day to burn the brush pile. This can be sort of boring for me. Mom and Dad are really busy to get the fire going, and once it is, they just sit on the John Deere 1023E and the JD 370 and watch it burn. Boring. 

But not today! Mom got one of my squeaky balls out of the basket and let me take it outside! I never get to take toys outside, so this was really cool. I made that ball squeal! Then Dad played ball with me for a little while. Heck, I rolled in the leaves and then rolled some more. Then played ball again. 

And then we had Sloppy Joe's for supper! Hamburger! What's not to love??

What a day! Now it's time to go to bed and I don't know if I have the energy to jump up onto the bed. I'm really knackered. Maybe I can convince Mom to set the ramp up for me tonight. It's a little wimpy of me, but I don't care.

So how about it, Mom? I was a good dog today. Help me up onto the bed? 

Monday, March 9, 2020

Prepping for spring

The entire pack was home today to enjoy a beautiful day. It was so warm I trotted down and jumped into the creek. Boy, that water was c-c-cold! I liked it! And it was really cool that Dad went with me and Mom down to the creek. He only recently started taking his chair down the hill. Don't know why, but I guess since he's a pack leader he doesn't need to tell me.

Mom went to town first thing this morning to finish doing Grandma's taxes. I'm a dog and I don't need to know what that means, either. I do know Mom was sort of, you know, pissed off. The lady told Mom she didn't have some form and Mom knew she did. Turns out Mom was correct so the trip to town was just wasted gasoline. Mom hates that. She does pay attention to something called her carbon footprint. If it's necessary, she doesn't mind going, but when it's not... Mom gets formidable. 

Then it was more about gasoline. Mom and Dad gassed-up the mowers and topped off the tank in the John Deere 1023. Then we loaded the gas cans in the back of Dad's Silverado and went to the gas station. Mom filled the cans and the tank of the truck. I can't get out at the gas station but I get to hang my head out the window and watch. 

On the way home, Dad left my window down because it was 70F and really nice. My nose was really busy! There were a lot of new spring smells to take in. Then Mom leaned back and took my picture. My humans are just way too camera-crazy. It was a really fun outing for me. 

What a day! I got in the creek, went for a ride, and we had pizza for dinner!
It's good to be ME!!!!