Sunday, December 29, 2019

What's a little rain?

It rained all day today. I got really bored so I started to pester Mom and Dad to go outside. Mom took me out for a short walk in and out the lane but she didn't like getting wet. I didn't either but I was really, really, really bored. After a while, I convinced Dad to take me out. Mom just shook her head.

At first. 

Then she went back to her office and got her phone to wait for us to come back. She took a video of me and Dad. 

Poor Dad. He got wet but I think he's a great Dad for taking me for a walk. You have to look close at first, but we really are coming down the lane. 

Wednesday, December 11, 2019

It's really a thing

It snowed a little bit again this morning, and I discovered Mom's obsession with snow is really a thing. Out the door we went and she took her phone so she could take pictures. Yeah, taking pictures of lil' ol' me is a real thing, too. (I don't mind.)

Just like the other day, there wasn't a lot of snow. The lane was clear so Mom could take her car to work. She says her car is worthless in the snow and when we have a lot of snow, she takes my pickup. I mean, DAD'S pickup. It has 4-wheel drive. Mom's car has a rear-wheel drive. 

I'm Deuce. I'm a dog. I don't know what that all means, but Mom does so I'm good with it. 

I keep an eye on Mom when we're outside. I don't know why she'd want to take pictures of a woodpile, but that's Mom. She said she liked the shapes with the snow on them. I was going to show her what I thought they were good for, but Mom said "no yellow snow" in her pictures. 

The snow didn't last long. By the time Dad and I went outside for our first walk, it was gone. It'll come again soon. Mom and Dad put the snowblower on the John Deere 1023, so I know it will snow bunches sooner or later. 

I guess when that happens, Mom will take more pictures, and I need to make sure they're all of me. 

Wednesday, December 4, 2019

My paws got wet

It snowed last night! Mom said a bad word when she looked out the window this morning and saw snow on the ground. I pretended not to hear it, but I did. The good news is Mom took me outside and I got to run all over the place and she didn't make me hurry. She was taking snow pictures.

Mom said Auntie Roxy jinxed us. Auntie Roxie asked Mom last night if we were to get snow and Mom said she hadn't seen that on her weather app.  Come to think of it, Mom actually snickered at the idea of snow. I bet that's why Mom said the bad word. She was surprised. 

There wasn't much snow. It didn't cover the lane or even all the grass, but it was sure cold on my paws. I had fun, though. I ran up and down, sniffing where the deer had been. 

Even Loki ran through the snow. I bet he won't do that when there are six inches of the white stuff on the ground. He's a little guy. Plus, cats are wimpy in the snow. 

I'm glad I'm not a deer. I got to sleep on a nice warm bed while the snow was falling. The critters have to sleep on the cold ground and get wet. 

You know, maybe I shouldn't whine about my paws getting wet this morning. I have it pretty good. I have a pack, a safe place to sleep, and I get things to eat like turkey giblets. 

I'm Deuce, and I'm really a lucky dog. 

Saturday, November 30, 2019

Mom said Loki is weather-smart

Mom says Loki is a smart cat. I would disagree, but Mom might be right about this one. Loki went outside with me this morning, around six o'clock (Mom told me the time). Usually, he'll go sit on the picnic table and keep an eye on the squirrels. It's a sunny spot and off the ground, so he's pretty safe there. Anyway, today he came back inside with me after I did my outside activities. When Mom and I went to her office, he followed us. 

Loki slept in the chair all day. Mom said twelve hours (Mom's the timekeeper, not me). I agreed with Mom when she said he's a lazy cat. When Mom checked the weather on her phone, she looked at me and said, "that explains it." 

Well, I'm Deuce. I'm pretty smart, but I was puzzled. Explains what, exactly? Why Loki is lazy? I mean, shouldn't he be out looking for mice or moles? Or squirrels?

Mom says cats have a weather sense. We might get a wintry mix tonight. Cats seem to know when bad weather is coming and they just hunker down and sleep. She said she should have recognized the signs. 

Huh. Who would have thought Loki was smart enough to get an entry on my blog, much less give clues about the weather? 

I'll have to keep a closer eye on that cat...

Thursday, November 28, 2019

It's Thanksgiving Day again

I love Thanksgiving! Giblets! And even more giblets! Mom cooks them special for ME! They are all mine because Mom and Dad don't eat them. They share the dark turkey meat, too. It's really good to be me on Thanksgiving. 

Mom says she's thankful for me and Dad. And for Loki, but...why? Oh, yeah. He caught a mouse inside the house. Big deal. Mom is staring at me, so okay. Loki is a good kitty. I'm thankful he caught the mouse, but I'm really thankful for Mom and Dad and GIBLETS!

It's really windy today. It started last night and I didn't like it much. I went outside around ten-thirty last night, just before bedtime, and it about blew me over. I had to keep all four paws on the ground 
and that's sort of rough on a guy when he 
has to.. you know, pee. When Mom 
and I got up this morning, 
there was a big limb down across the driveway. 

I like sticks. I can pick them up and carry them to wherever Mom or Dad points. It's good that I can help them out. They don't make me do it, you understand. Sticks can be fun. 

Anyway, Mom and I walked out to check out the stick, and you know what? It's pretty big. Mom said we'd go around the yard tomorrow, after the wind gusts stop, and pick up everything. I think that's a good idea because this one is just too big for lil' ol' me. 

It's not that I'm wimpy, but a guy has to know his limitations. 

I hope everyone has a great Thanksgiving Day. Remember, it's good to be the pack, so be nice to your humans. Some of them need a little more understanding than others. 

Saturday, November 16, 2019

New gadgets

Mom finally got a new phone. Boy, am I glad that doesn't happen every day! The new phone makes a lot of noise and that means Mom is making a lot of noise. Apparently, all the beeps, tweeps, and bells annoy Mom. She's concentrating on silencing all that, and getting her ringtones back. The girl at the store told Mom her ringtones would transfer, but the girl lied. Mom is not happy about that. 

My growling every time the phone made a noise annoyed Mom, but I'm Deuce. I'm Mom's favorite guy and she can't stay annoyed with me. I'm just doing my job. I'm supposed to alert Mom and Dad to strange noises. Am I right? 

Mom being Mom, she took the very first picture with the new phone of ME! I knew she would. I'm her very favorite photo subject. Even Dad doesn't rank higher than me when it comes to pictures. 

Now I have to ask - does that photo make my butt look big? 

Oh? What did Mom get? She got an A10e, whatever that means. That's what Dad has. He says they can share what they learn and Mom didn't say no, so that means they will. 

I'm Deuce and I know how Mom thinks.  

Thursday, November 14, 2019

Yes! Pumpkin pie!

Mom gets these emails from a group called AKC. The email today was about what foods I can eat at Thanksgiving.

I am sooooooooo thankful pumpkin pie is on the list!!

I'm Deuce, and I love pumpkin pie!

Is it Thanksgiving yet?

Tuesday, November 5, 2019

Pizza time!

I'm a pretty smart fellow. I know a lot of words and one of them is "pizza." So when Mom says it's pizza for dinner, I'm right there! 

Usually, if we have pizza it's on Thursday night or Saturday afternoon, but Mom was tired this evening. 

I'm not sure what the best part of the pizza is. Well, I DO, but I never get a whole slice. I get bits and bites but I'll take it. I love pepperoni! Sausage, too! And the crust! The crust is best when it crunches. 

I was waiting for Dad to give me a bite when Mom took my picture. Notice how nice and polite I am while I patiently wait for crumbs. I don't jump up or paw at Dad. I KNOW he's going to give me bites because Dad takes care of me that way. Mom does, too. 

I'm Deuce, and I'm a good dog for pizza. 

Saturday, October 26, 2019

He's behind me, isn't he?

I love Saturdays! Mom is home with me and Dad on Saturday. We do what Mom calls "puttering." It means we do a lot of little chores. Today, Mom helped Dad hang two lights in the shed and then she took the John Deere 1023 around the yard and picked up big sticks. 

Dad was tidying his workbench while Mom picked up sticks. I had to stay with him because Mom does not like it when I get in front of the tractor. I know how to stay out of the way but she doesn't care. She'll yell at me if I get in the way and that is not a good thing for me. 

Mom was ready to park the 1023 when Dad said he wanted to check the air in the tires. I was resting on a little pile of leaves when Mom got out the cell phone to take my picture. I wasn't paying enough attention to what was going on. I was focused on Mom and Dad, like I should be. 

Then I heard Mom call out to Loki

He's behind me, isn't he???

Friday, October 25, 2019

I don't like ramps

I haven't felt like talking for a while. My leg bothers me. The medicine helps some, but I can't do everything I want to do and that makes me mopey. 

Mom got me a ramp and I don't like it much. She meant well. She thought it would help me get on the bed at night. Mom likes me to sleep at the foot of the bed, and I like it, too. It's my spot at night. I can be close and watch over her and see out the window at the same time.

Anyway, I do not like the ramp. Mom is not happy with me that I won't use it. Last night, Mom and Dad ganged up on me and I had no choice but to walk up the ramp. 

The funny thing is, I go up the ramp Cousin Dave built onto the front porch without any problems. I use this new ramp to get into my pickup so I can go for a ride. 

I guess the thing is, I like it when Mom helps me onto the bed. It makes me remember when I was a little guy and she carried me. I'm a lot bigger now and I weigh eighty-three pounds. Mom can barely give me a boost onto the bed. 

Even after I have surgery, I won't be able to jump for a long time. I need to dog-up and get over myself and use the ramp. 

Friday, September 13, 2019

I had a rough night after a vet visit

I had to go to the vet yesterday evening, and I didn't like it much. Neither did Mom and Dad, but they felt they had to take me. My leg has really been hurting, and Mom said it was time for better pain relief than baby aspirin. 

I like riding in Mom's car. It's smoooth. I thought we were going to Sonic for dinner, but noooo. Next time I'll pay closer attention. Getting into the car was no fun at all because Mom had to help me get into the back seat. It was embarrassing. 

Once we got to the vet's office, about 5:15 PM, we were right away whisked into a little room. A girl came in and asked a bunch of questions. Half an hour later the vet came in and asked questions. He said I was going to get a shot of something called Dilaudid and right then and there Mom should have said NO. 

So half an hour after the doc said the shot was coming, about 6:30 PM, I got it. Half an hour after that, all I could do was pant. Then it really got bad. They took me to a different room for the vet to "examine" me. Mom was not pleased they separated us. I bet Dad had to hold her back. Anyway, the vet checked my spine, hips, and legs, and told Mom and Dad what they already knew - I have a torn cruciate. 

I don't know what, exactly, the vet told Mom and Dad because they made me stay in a different room. I know I didn't like it. I didn't feel good and I needed MOM. Instead, they HELD ME HOSTAGE UNTIL MOM PAID. I'm only a dog but I know that wasn't them taking good care of me. I should have been returned to Mom and Dad right away. Dad would have looked after me while Mom paid. It was 8:00 PM and dark before we left. We were there three hours! 

Mom had to help me into the car again. On the ride home is when I learned I have two medicines to take and I'm not supposed to jump on and off any furniture. Say what?? No napping on the couch? Okay, I can deal with that, but I sleep with Mom. It's what I do, so that's a non-negotiable fact. Lucky for me Mom agrees. She helped me onto the bed last night. 

I was so sick. My stomach gurgled and roiled and hurt but I never threw up. Mom lay down with me and cuddled me because all I could do was whimper and shake. Mom kept rubbing my back and telling me how good I was and finally I went to sleep for a while, but not long enough. 

I had to pee but I couldn't remember how. Mom took me back outside and all I could do was stand there and sway. I tried to go into the woods and now that I think about it, it was dark! I don't go into the woods in the dark now that I'm all mature and everything. 

After a while, Mom and Dad put me back in bed, and they made sure I could sleep between them. That was okay. I liked that. I felt safe with both of them with me and I finally went to sleep for real. When Mom's alarm went off at 6:00 AM, I woke up and felt much better. I peed and peed and peed when we went outside! Then Mom gave me two pills wrapped up in a cheese slice. I love cheese! 

But now Mom is using a word I don't like the sound of - surgery. 

Nope. Don't like the sound of that at all. My boy bits hurt the last time I had surgery. This does not bode well for little ol' me.

Monday, September 2, 2019

I did it again and it was not a good thing

Apparently, I'm not as smart as Mom says I am. Last week, um, I think it was last week - I'm a dog and I'm not real good with time - I rolled in some wonderful stinky stuff. Dad was not pleased when he scrubbed me down. We have lots of critters around and I couldn't help myself. It's what a dog does sometimes.

Well, I forgot I did that and that was not smart. Mom and Dad were talking about how to hang a ladder on the carport where the John Deere 1023 is parked and not paying attention to little ol' me. I found something I thought was sweet. 

I was wrong. It was NOT sweet. 

I rolled in it again and it was a BIG mistake. Mom saw me drop and roll and there was no way for me to run and hide from her. It got nasty, and I'm not talking about the smell. 

Mom put on blue rubber gloves, grabbed a bottle of dish detergent, and squirted me with soap. Man, oh man, did she scrub me down. And she wasn't gentle about. Once I was all soapy, she grabbed my collar and dragged me to the hose. I knew what was coming. COLD water. Lots and lots of cold water to rinse away the soap. 

Why is the cold water in the creek fun but cold water out of the hose not fun?

I had to stay on the patio and dry off for a long time. By myself. I was a little worried at the time. What if Mom decided I needed to sleep outside? I would not like that. 

Anyway, I'm all clean and shiny tonight, not to mention anti-bacterial. Critter droppings could have bad things in it, you know. 

I'm hoping Mom lets me on the bed but I'm not sure that will happen even though I smell okay again. She's been shaking her finger at me and reminding me I was bad every time I try to say I'm sorry. Mom does not like stinky, smelly stuff. I really must remember that. 

She'll forgive me by tomorrow morning. She always does because I'm Deuce, and I'm her dog and we're a pack. 

Saturday, August 31, 2019

We were busy!

We had a really busy day today. Mom was up at the butt-crack of dawn because Cousin Dave and Cousin John were on board to help her move a cabinet. Then Cousin Randy came to get a lawnmower and a string trimmer. And if that wasn't enough, Mom and Dad had to go to town for diesel fuel for the John Deere 1023, and gasoline for the riding mowers. I got to ride along! It was great!

Of course, I let Mom know I wanted to go. As soon as the truck door was opened, I was right there waiting for the okay to get in. I like to look around once I'm in the truck to see what I might have missed when my back was turned. It turns out I didn't miss a thing.

Dad drove down the old mountain road. Mom says it's a scenic drive. I'll take her word for it 'cause I didn't spot a single deer. Not a one. All I saw was a forest full of trees with the sunlight streaming through the leaves. Maybe Mom likes that but I think it's a bit boring.

Once we got to town, Mom went into a store and got a bag of sugar, some beer for Dad, and wine for herself. Then we got fuel and Dad decided he needed to backtrack to the bank machine for more cash. We got home and had lunch, and then Mom and Dad went to Lowe's without me. Can you believe that? As good as I was all morning and they made me stay home. No fair. 

After they got home I understood why I had to stay. They took Dad's scooter and there wasn't room for me. I'm a smart dog. I don't like it, but I get it. 

It's almost dark now. Mom's helping me blog and Dad's watching TV. As soon as me and Mom are finished, I'm taking a nap. I bet if I hop up on the bed, Mom will join me. 

I wonder what we're going to do tomorrow? Maybe we should rest. It'll be Sunday, after all. 

Thursday, August 22, 2019

I rolled in it and Dad was not happy

I'm a country dog. I think we established that a while back. I live a really good life. Mom and Dad take great care of me. I even get puppy burgers. I looove puppy burgers! What was I saying?

Oh yeah. Living in the country is fun. I get to chase deer and crows all the time. I've seen foxes, coons, groundhogs, turkeys, snakes, and even skunks. Skunks are not a good thing.

All the critters have interesting smells, and sometimes I can't help but be a dog's dog. Dad and I went for a walk yesterday and I smelled something on the ground - so I rolled on it. 

Big mistake. 

Apparently, it did not leave me smelling like a rose.

Dad was not pleased. He called Mom (she was at work) and she told him to scrub me down with dish detergent, the antibacterial kind. So he did. Man, was the water he dumped on me cold! And he made me stay outside for a long time before he threw water on me, too. 

By the time Mom got home, I was dry again. She checked me out and I'm so glad to report I passed her sniff test. If I hadn't, she was going to get the hose out and squirt me with more soap and cold water! 

I'm Deuce. I'm a smart dog. I hope I remember WHY it's bad to roll in things that smell good. Cold water. That's why. 

Monday, July 29, 2019

I almost got flapped

There was an incident this morning. I'm ashamed to admit, I didn't protect Mom. 

Mom finally came to her senses and is home with me and Dad every Monday. I like that! Mom should be with me every day, but I'll take what I can get for now. Being home with me three days a week is better than just two days a week. 

The weather was really nice this morning. Mom got up at her normal time, about six o'clock, and we went outside so I could do all my morning activities. When I was done, Mom fixed a cup of coffee (I don't like coffee, personally) and we went back outside to sit on our private little porch. It really was a fine country morning. No one was outside making noise, not even cousin Dave. 

So there I was, sitting on the porch admiring the nice mowing job Mom did on the front yard, and this wild turkey hen came strolling down the lower driveway and into the yard! And she had two little poults with her! 

I'm not allowed to chase Bambi and Kambi, but Mom never said a thing about turkeys!!!!!

I barked and barked and that hen ignored me. Being ignored is irritating so I decided to go have a chat with this big bird. I stepped off the porch and that's when it happened. That hen turned and stretched out her neck and flapped her wings and came toward me!! Well, I could tell right away she meant business and if I didn't back up, I was going to get a flapping and pecking. 

I didn't think I'd like that so I stopped as fast as I could. 

I don't remember much after that. Um, yeah. that's it. I forget what happened next. Let's go with that, not that I tucked my tail between my legs and headed for the back door and left Mom unguarded. What was I thinking to leave Mom outside with a crazed bird????

Mom came around and left me in the house, and she was laughing at me. Apparently, my shame is humorous to humans. But she gave me a Griller and told me I'm a good dog so we're good, and that's the important thing. 

The next time I see a wild turkey, I'll know what to do. I'll just bark. I'll look a lot braver in front of Mom that way. 

Saturday, July 20, 2019

Loki has a long tail

It's pretty hot outside today. I'm taking it easy inside and staying close to my fave air conditioning vent in the dining room. If I get hot, I simply stretch out over it and wait for the AC to cycle on. It feels soooo good! 

That skanky cat likes the heat. I went to check on Mom (she's in her office) and I spotted Loki sleeping on the cedar chest. Mom put an old bedspread over it so he can't scratch it. 

I bet if I touched his tail, Loki would roll right off there and hit the floor.  Hmmmm. It's a lot of temptation, even for a good dog like me.

I'm Deuce, and I think I'll take the shot....

_ _ _

**Note from Mom. It was awesome. Loki hit the floor and chased Deuce all the way to the living room. I laughed, but don't tell Deuce. 

Thursday, July 18, 2019

Writers can be sneaky

Mom does a lot of different things after she takes care of me and Dad. And Loki. Jeez, can't forget to mention that skanky cat or Mom will fuss me. One of the things Mom does is something she calls writing. That's not something I can help her with. 

When Mom is writing, I like to sleep under her desk. If she's wearing soft slippers, she'll rest her feet on me, or sometimes snuggle her bare toes beneath me. We like that. It's our thing. I like because I'll know immediately if she is leaving her desk. It's my job to keep an eye on her, you know. 

Mom's writing has been on something called a hiatus, but she's getting back to it. This week she's looking over a couple of older manuscripts that she found some mistakes in. Mom can curse like a sailor sometimes but as long as she's not slinging the f-bomb at me, we're good. 

Last night, she worked at writing while I took a nap on the bed. It rained earlier and I was bored, and a nap is a good cure for that. So I was asleep and Mom snuck out the door to our little porch without me! I did not like this. It might have been my fault because I wasn't under her desk, but I'll bet Mom did it on purpose. 

So now I have a new spot to nap - in front of the door blocking the exit. 

I'm Deuce and I'm not dumb. I got this all figured out. Mom won't get out the door without me again.

Friday, July 12, 2019

Nope. Didn't steal it.

I'm a good dog. I don't snatch Mom's socks without permission. I can't do that, anyway, because Mom doesn't leave her socks lying where I can find them. At least, not usually...

But if a pair of socks should happen to fall out of the drawer when Mom's getting dressed, and Mom doesn't see them, and if I happen to be right there, well...

I'm Deuce. I'm really a good dog. I picked up the socks for Mom. 

That's my story and I'm sticking to it. 

But now I have a question. Who is Rocket the Racoon and why did Mom ask me if I wanted it more?  
I bet she's been watching that Guardians of the Galaxy movie again.

Sunday, June 2, 2019

We're putting screen around the patio

Mom had a birthday! She had to tell me because, well, dogs aren't real good with dates. I don't even remember my own birthday. Mom has to tell me that, too. She got a lot of greeting cards from people I don't know, but the one that made her happiest was from Cousin Linda. Cousin Linda never forgets Mom's birthday and Mom never forgets her birthday, either. 

Mom and I are a team. I've been helping her clean out Jack's garage. When she goes over to do some work, I ride with her in the pickup. My job is to keep her company and listen quietly when she says a lot of very bad words about the hoard of junk. I mostly sit in the truck and watch her work, but keeping out of her way is an important job, too. Once the pickup is loaded, I ride to the landfill with her. 

Cousin Dave has been helping, too. Mom says he's the brawn to her brain. He took a bunch of old, rusty cabinets to be recycled and cut up some pressboard cabinets so they could go in the dumpster at the landfill. Those will decompose, whatever that means. He put new belts on the mower Mom uses, too. Mom doesn't like Dad's mower because it doesn't have brakes, just funky handlebars. 

I'm not sure I understand the whole landfill thing. It seems like Mom is glad to have a place to dump all the junk, but really upset it has to go there. It's confusing to a dog. Like how does Mom know what goes on the metal only pile? And how does she know where to take the plastic items? Mom knows a lot of stuff!

Mom works hard taking care of me so I'm really, really, really happy she did something for herself for her birthday. She called Cousin Chris and he's putting screens all around the patio to keep the bugs out. I like that idea! It will be wonderful to be able to sit on the patio and not have one of those nasty big bumblebees dive bomb my head. Good idea, Mom! 

Have you ever seen those big bumblebees? They're huge! 

The downside is I can't just stroll out wherever I want. I have to go through the special panels with the screen curtains. They have magnets to keep them closed. It's easy-peasy. Just keep walking and they part. There's one on each side, special for me!

Once the screens are installed, Mom wants to paint the trim. I heard her and Dad talking about it and Dad said she had to wait until the wood cured a little more. Mom rolled her eyes and I know what that meant - she already knew that. 

Mom just finished her coffee and I know what that means. It's time to start our day. I'm not sure what Mom has planned, but I'm Deuce! I'm her right-paw guy and I'll be beside her every step of the way! 

Saturday, May 18, 2019

I wish I could help

It's not been a very good patch for Mom. Her stepfather died. I remember Jack. He was really tall. He was also married to Grandma. I think married must be the same as being mates. Jack and Grandma used to be together all the time before Grandma got something called Alzheimer's.

Mom was trying to take care of Jack. I could see it was hard on her. She has a job and she takes care of Dad, me, and Loki, too. Plus she mows the grass, does the laundry, cooks, gets the groceries. She's been doing it all without any help and she's really worn out. I try to be on my very best behavior so I don't become a burden. She says I'll never be one, but I want to do my part. 

Mom's been coaxing me to put my head on the pillows with her at night. It must comfort her so I do it even when I get too warm. I try not to pant but I can't always help it. Mom doesn't fuss me when I have to move to cool down. She understands.

I don't understand everything she has to do now. It seems like it's a lot more than before. Dad is being what Mom says is "solicitous." I'm a smart dog, but I don't know what that means. 

I'd really like to help Mom so I guess the best thing I can do is just be me. I'm a good dog. Mom tells me that every day. It makes me so happy to hear her say, "Deuce is a good dog!" 

Mom says life will get easier once she's settled everything and Dad's recovered from his upcoming surgery. Cousin Chris is screening in the patio real soon so we should have a lot of fun this summer, sitting outside and not having to swat mosquitoes. Mom got the notice the panels have been shipped and she was happy about that! 

I'll have to try harder to comfort Mom, but I'm just too big to sit on her lap. I'll have to think of something else. 

I'm Deuce! I'll come up with something to make her smile. 

Wednesday, April 3, 2019

Guarding my stuff

I have a lot of stuff and I like to know exactly where it is at all times. Dad fusses about my belongings being all over the floor in his way, but Mom never says anything so it's ok for me to have my toys out where I can see 'em. 

What if that skanky Loki tries to play with my ball? I NEED to know so I can stop him! Mom doesn't like that too much but Loki is smart enough to hop along on his way if I make a move toward him. Sometimes he does things on purpose to get a rise out of me. I know what's he's doing so I play along. 

Anyway, Mom's home today and we were on the loveseat together while she had a cup of tea. I was trying to decide if I wanted to pick a toy and coax her into playing with me but that seemed like a lot of work. When she got up, she used Dad's phone and took a picture of me guarding my toys. She thought it was funny the way I got them all in a line. 

Sometimes Mom is easily amused. 

Sunday, March 31, 2019

I can't fly

Yesterday was a super nice spring day. Me, Mom and Dad were outside for a long time. Mom and Dad were busy with the mower and the John Deere tractor. Well, Mom was sort of busy. Dad was watching and "giving her pointers" on how to drive them. I'm not sure that's a productive use of his time because Mom ignores him a lot. 

I got yelled at once for being in the way. Then I was more careful. When Mom yells at me outside, I pay attention. I was paying attention when Mom sneaked off and walked down to chat with Cousin Dave without me, too. I did not like that but apparently what I don't like doesn't matter sometimes. 

We were almost finished and were sitting over at the shed, you know, chewing the fat as Dad says. It wasn't real fat, though. I've chewed real fat and it is delicious! I love real fat! What was I saying?

Oh yeah. We were sitting over at the shed. Dad was in his chair and Mom was sitting on the loader. A little gust of wind came along and the umbrella on the sunroom porch sailed over the house! I was too surprised to even bark! All Mom said was she didn't hear any glass break. She went and checked it out while I stayed with Dad. The metal parts of the umbrella were all twisted and bent. Mom said it can't be fixed and she'll have to get a new one. 

I hope she means that. I like our little porch. It's our space, me and Mom's. We have good times out there in the evenings and on Saturday and Sunday mornings. 

I'm Deuce, and I know even pack members need their own space. And shade. Don't forget to get a new umbrella, Mom!

Saturday, March 9, 2019

Everyone needs a lazy afternoon

Today was Saturday. I love Saturday! Mom is home with me and Dad, and she takes me outside a lot. It didn't rain or snow today, but the ground is still wet and cold. My paws are pretty tough but I don't like cold too much. 

I was really lazy today. So was Mom. She got up early to go deposit a check. What's the Fed? Mom said the Fed was kind enough to give her some of her money back but the way she said it makes me think she meant something else. What are income taxes? I bet I'd get more Grillers if these Fed dudes didn't take some of Mom's money from her. Anyway, Mom went to the bank but she made me stay home with Dad. 

When she got home, we went out for a bit, but like I said, the ground was wet. We didn't stay out long. Mom did some laundry and worked on a story. She said she figured out what was wrong with it and now she could move it forward. 

Mom keeps an old sheet on the couch for me. She takes it outside almost every day and shakes my fur off it. I hit the sofa for a snooze while she was busy, and don't you know it - Dad took a picture and sent it to Mom. Okay, so my tongue was sticking out a little bit. It's only my tongue. I show my tongue all the time but for some reason, doing it in my sleep makes it funny. 

I'll tell you what's funny. Humans are funny, as in weird and strange funny.

Let me tell you what woke me up. Mom said if we went to Sonic, she'd buy.  That's all I had to hear. Even in my sleep "Sonic" gets through to me. I KNOW that word.

I love Sonic! I got a puppy burger! It was soooooo good! 

Now we're lazing in Mom's office for a while until Mom is done working for the day and it's time for bed. 

I'm Deuce, and it was a great day to be me!

Sunday, March 3, 2019

I'm insulted!

Daddy dumped his coffee on me! I'm insulted! Don't I look insulted? Yes, I do. Because I AM. 

I was minding my own business. Honest I was! Daddy had just brewed that cup and was headed for his chair. I was watching out for him but he was not watching out for himself. He dropped his cup and hot coffee went all over me. It's a good thing I'm a Lab and have a nice, thick coat with an almost waterproof layer. 

Mom came to me right away and dried me off, even before she wiped up the mess. I'm going to smell funny now. Mom says after Dad makes another cup of coffee and gets out of the kitchen, she'll wipe me down with a clean, wet rag. She doesn't want me to be sticky. That's good because I don't like the sound of "sticky."

I hope Mom hurries up and gets me clean so I can get back to my nap. 

You know... on the sofa. 

Saturday, January 19, 2019

And she let him back in the door

I like it when Mom laughs, so I do things so she will. Sometimes, I don't even know I've done something funny. Like this morning. 

I needed to go outside to know... and when Mom opened the door, Loki ran right outside, lickety-split! I'll say one thing about that skanky cat, and that is that he is fast on his little white feet. Anyway, Mom called him to go back inside and he ignored her - so she closed the door. 

That did it. Loki got all scared. He's a wimpy creature. I was out in the yard but I heard Mom laugh. Then she got her phone and took some pictures that weren't of me. (I talked to her about that. I AM HER FAVORITE SUBJECT, not that skanky cat.)

When Mom opened the door for me, Loki ran inside and stopped. Then he swatted at me like it was my fault he'd gone outside in the cold. 

Stupid cat. 

Editor's note: Mom struck through the word "skanky." 

Friday, January 18, 2019

Three is just a number

I'm three years old now! Is that old in dog years? Mom and Dad don't think so. They talk about stuff and say I'm still a young dog. Well, I'm old enough to know snow is really cold on my paws. Is it spring yet?

I turned three on January 14. It was a quiet event. Mom had to work. Dad's home health care folks came in. His nurse scratched my belly and he ratted me out to Mom. Mom acted all insulted that I let some strange woman rub my tummy, but I know better. She doesn't really mind. She likes that I'm friendly when people come in. 

I'm friendly. I do not jump up on people. I'm too well-mannered for that. Mom brought me up right, you know. 

Mom and Dad are worried about me. Mom is convinced there's something more wrong with my leg than a torn cruciate. They keep talking about my hips and it sort of scares me. What's an X-ray? Does it hurt?

Dad had surgery and it hasn't been any fun for any of us. He can't take me outside now, so I have to go out and pee by myself.  What if I have to have surgery? Who is going to take care of me while Mom is at work? Dad's in no shape to do it. 

It makes Mom really sad. 

She talks to me at night after we go to bed and sometimes she cries and tells me she's so sorry my leg hurts. I don't blame her, though. It wasn't her fault I ran so hard and jumped so high I hurt myself. It doesn't matter because she still blames herself. She says surgery will be very hard on me because I can't tell her how I really feel. 

I guess if the vet says I need surgery, Mom will find a way to make it happen. I trust her to take care of me. I really want to live long enough to be a wise old dog. Mom said she'd like that. 

Sunday, January 13, 2019

Mom called me a "snowflake"

Sometimes I worry about Mom. This morning she called me a "snowflake." Okay, it IS snowing right now, but I'm black. Like in all black. From the tip of my very excellent nose to the tip of my toes, I'm black. How can I be a snowflake when snow is white? 

Snow is fine, I guess. It started to snow yesterday afternoon at about four o'clock. Mom and Dad checked the weather report, and Mom joked we could get anywhere from zero to ninety-nine inches. She says predicting the weather is the only job where you get paid for being wrong a lot. Her phone app said we'd get one to three inches and there are about six inches on the ground right now! 

First thing this morning, like always, I had to pee. Mom opened the sunroom door for me and yowza! I stepped outside and my poor little paws about froze! I turned around and came back inside. That's when Mom called me a snowflake. She said a big, brave, handsome pup like me shouldn't have a problem with a little bit of snow. Then she took a picture of my footprints in the snow showing how I wouldn't jump down and go tinkle. I'm so glad I keep Mom amused. 

Hey, Mom. Why don't YOU walk outside with your feet bare and tell me what you think about that?

I think Mom is going to have the last laugh on me real soon. I really need to go out. A guy can only hold it for so long, you know. The upside is that when I do finally go out, Mom will give me a Griller when I come back inside. Hmmm...

I'm Deuce! I'm going out! Cold paws are a small price to pay for a Griller.