Monday, December 26, 2016

My first Christmas

Mom and Dad talked about this Christmas stuff for a long time. They worried I'd be a one-dog wrecking crew if they put up a tree in the house. Why would they bring a tree inside? I don't really get it, but I did learn Christmas is good for getting high-quality toys. 

To go along with my original Kong treat hider, I got a red flying disc I can't chew up or break, a big red bone I can't seem to put fang marks in, a red bouncy thingy Mom calls a hex, and a red ball (which I've let roll under something, don't tell Mom). Red seems to be my color! Mom says Kong brand is best for me because I can't destroy the toys in five minutes. It's not for lack of trying, I swear. 

Christmas Eve was really cool. Dad put two really big steaks on the grill and I got bites of steak from both his and Mom's plates. I love steak! We watched the fireplace on the television. How did those puppies get inside the tv? 

Then Christmas morning, things went a little sideways. Mom had to rush to the hospital because her step-father had an allergic reaction to Pradaxa. That worried me. If James isn't Mom's dad, then how can Dad be my dad? Mom says it's because I'm adopted and she's not. Didn't I tell you before people are strange? 

Mom and Dad had to bring my cousin Paco to my house. This does not please me. I don't like it when Mom pets other dogs. But Mom says it's Christmas and we have to be especially nice at Christmas. We couldn't leave Paco all alone. I know she's right because Mom always is. I just need to work harder not to be jealous. 

Mom and I had plans to go for a long walk in the woods on Christmas Day, but we didn't get to go. I was sad Mom wasn't even here. She said next Christmas we might run away from home so we can make sure we spend the day together. She laughed but I'm going to hold her to it. 

Being with Mom and Dad is the best Christmas present I could ever have! But do I really have to wait an entire year for more toys?

Tuesday, December 13, 2016

I'll be seeing red

Mom and Dad talk on the phone when Mom is at work. Sometimes they just text so I can't hear them. That's what they did today. I had to wait until Mom got home to find out what was going on. I always pay attention to what Mom says even if I don't aways do such a good job of obeying her. I mean to mind her, but I get distracted.

Anyway, it seems I've been bad. I didn't mean to be. I know Mom and Dad don't like it when I bend or chew a Frisbee. (They make a very satisfying cracking noise when you bend them in half.) It seems that Mom splurged on a bunch of Kong brand toys: a red flyer, a red ball, a red bone, and a sort of ball with slots to hide treats in. Now I'm excited - when do they get here???

Mom hopes the flyer is something that will last a long time.  She says I'm a "money pit." I'm not sure what that means but I don't think it's a good thing. Is $30 a lot of money for toys?

And what's this "Christmas" everyone is talking about? And why did Mom and Dad say these toys are my Christmas presents? And what's this about not having a Christmas tree because I'd eat the icicles? And break the balls and maybe cut my tongue on the glass? And chew electrical cords? 

I'm Deuce. I'm usually pretty smart but this Christmas stuff is confusing.

Wednesday, December 7, 2016

Wearing the snowflake collar

Mom likes to take my picture with her phone. Sometimes it just doesn't work out so well. She wanted a picture of me in my new-to-me snowflake collar but I was antsy and wouldn't pose. 

Mom told me this collar used to belong to Jett and that not just any pup would be allowed to wear it. She put most of Jett's things in his grave with him. She said there were two reasons for doing that. One, they were his things and they belonged to him. And two, a new puppy deserved his own bowls, toys, and collars. Mom kept the snowflake collar as a keepsake. 

She had the collar on her desk for a few days before she let me wear it. I thought she was going to put it away again, but then she said it was now mine. Mom told me it just proves I'm special. 

Of course I'm special! I'm Deuce! 

Thanks, Mom! 

Friday, November 25, 2016

Deuce likes pink

I overheard Mom and Dad talking about my favorite Frisbee. Apparently, all the work I've done to perfect the edges for my teeth has been a bad thing. Putting fang slots around it has made it fly crooked. 

It doesn't bother me at all that it doesn't fly straight. It still flies. I can still catch it in the air. I like the pink Frisbee. I mean, guy wolfs can like pink, right? Besides, the blue one doesn't fly as far. It goes out and then falls. It doesn't float like the pink one, which is really disappointing to me. 

Mom says next time she goes to the pet store she'll get me a bunch of new Frisbees, even pink if they have it. 

I'm worried they won't be the same as my first pink Frisbee. I hope Mom keeps it for me. 

Sunday, November 20, 2016

Signs of maturity

Mom was going over the pictures she took of me and Dad playing Frisbee. She likes this one because it shows I'm settling down. She says she can see who I'm going to be when I leave being a puppy behind. Mom thinks I'm quite handsome. 

I'm Deuce! I'm always going to be Mom's pup. 

Friday, November 18, 2016

Deer in my yard

Mom and Dad are talking about something called hunting season. They say we have to be careful when we're outside at dawn and dusk because some of the hunters are also "fucking idiots." I'm not sure what one of those is, but I can tell from the way Dad says it, it's not a good thing to be. 

The hunters are after the deer. Hey! So am I! I love to chase the deer out of my yard! They see me and they run away. Mom says I can chase them as far as the stone fence, the top of the hill, or to just beyond the shed. So far I've remembered and stopped because it's pretty obvious deer are really fast when a wolf is after them. And boy can they jump! 

All last summer we saw a single doe and her two fawns. Mom and Dad asked me not to chase the little ones so I didn't. It was really hard for me to sit and watch them come out of the woods and walk through the yard, but I did it. I'm Deuce! I'm a good dog!

Now there is a big herd coming into the yard to eat acorns. Mom's been trying to get a picture of all of them at once but so far she hasn't gotten the shot she wants. She'll keep trying. Mom's persistent. 

Mom says come spring we can take a walk through the woods, off the paths, and look for shed antlers. That sounds like a lot of fun! Maybe one of the bucks will drop an antler in my yard and I can give it to Mom. I bet she'd really like that. 

Or maybe not. Maybe if I find one in my yard, I'll get to keep it. After all, it's a known fact that all things found by the Lab, belong to the Lab. 

Sunday, October 30, 2016

Frisbee, ball, tunnel

I had so much fun this morning! Mom set up the tunnel for me. It was great! I chased the ball through the tunnel, jumped over the tunnel to chase the Frisbee, and ran and ran and ran until I was really panting! Once that happened, Mom made me stop and go inside. And since she takes good care of me, she turned the air conditioner on so I could lie over my vent and cool off good.

Mom took a video, too. She said it's hard to juggle the ball, the dog, and her cell phone but I think she didn't do too bad. It's just for fun, you know. I wouldn't want it any other way.

After I rest for a little while, Mom says we can go down to the creek and then play tunnel a little more. I'd really like that!

Wednesday, October 26, 2016

Look at those muscular haunches!



Instead of taking a picture of my butt, don't you think it would have been better to help me get my ball out from under the file cabinet?

(No, son. I told you I needed to get some writing done and to go pester your dad.)

Hey! I'm really getting muscles! It's from all the running and jumping I do, isn't it? I can jump pretty high to catch a Frisbee. Why don't you take a picture of that? 

(Because you see the camera and pose instead of catching the Frisbee, you little hammy knucklehead.)

Mom! Get my ball! 

(ahahahahahahaaaa! In fifteen minutes, son....)


Saturday, October 22, 2016

A really full Saturday morning

Mom and Dad have been uber busy the past two weeks. I'm not sure I was any help as they got the yard and house ready for winter, nor do I understand the fuss. Winter will come no matter what. I don't know how I know that, but dogs know lots of important things. Even little puppies know stuff. 

Dad's been on the mower a lot, chopping up leaves. He installed a new set of steps on the sunroom porch, too. Mom loves them, but I think it's easier to jump off the porch. Faster, too. Dad chopped off all the hosta and now my pee spots are gone. Really, guys. Was this necessary? Now I have to go all the way into the woods and find a tree.

This morning, Mom and Dad took Dad's truck for its semi-annual oil change. I wasn't happy because they put me in my crate. I mean, I got a griller treat and everything, but I would have gone along! It would have been fun! I didn't really need a nap.

Mom got home first and right away she busted me out of jail. We went outside and walked down the lane to meet Dad. I picked up what I thought was a ball - I'll never do that again. It was a walnut and it was nasty. Mom had the nerve to laugh at me and point out that she'd said "no" and I didn't listen. I really need to listen to Mom.

It was a bit chilly but I jumped in the creek anyway. I'm Deuce! I have a really thick coat so the cold water doesn't bother me much. Then I spotted Dad's pickup coming up the road. Mom and I got in and I smelled something really good on the drive up the lane to the house. Mom and Dad went to breakfast (without me) but they brought me a scrambled egg and a sausage link!  It's a good thing, too, because my bowls were empty. 

What wasn't good was Mom made me STAY to get pieces of sausage. I don't like to stay but it was okay - this time. 

After my snack, Mom took me out to play Frisbee. It was a busy morning! I wonder what we'll do next?

Sunday, October 9, 2016

I'm so stylish for fall!

Fashion isn't just for girl dogs. I have a sporty new vest for long walks with Mom. Now, I ask you - am I not handsome in orange? Isn't orange the new black? I am firing on all four paws! 

I wasn't sure I'd like dressing up to go for a walk, but Mom explained the woods are full of nutjobs with rifles. She says just because they have a license to hunt doesn't mean they know the difference between a deer and a goat, or even a black dog. So between now and Christmas, I'm wearing orange. 

Mom's wearing orange, too. She says she's a little embarrassed to wear Dad's Baltimore Orioles windbreaker, but she will. I thought she liked the O's. They must have sucked this year. I know Dad yelled at them through the television plenty of times. 

But back to more important stuff - ME! 

It was a great day to go for a walk. I got in the creek every time our path crossed it. I even went down the big hill to the bottom where the cold spring bubbles out of the ground and becomes a different creek that flows into ours. It was a long way down, and even longer on the way back up to Mom. I don't know if I'll do that again even though Mom said I could. 

I was really glad to get home and get a snack. I ran so much Mom gave me an extra cup of puppy chow. Keeping me trim is important, but I'm still a growing boy. I just hope she doesn't take that cup off my dinner portion. Maybe I shouldn't give her any ideas, huh? 

Wednesday, September 28, 2016

Mom & Dad keep track of me

One of Mom's friends sent her an email to ask about my collar. It's very special. It has my name on it, so it really is mine! mine! mine!  It also has a global positioning device (GPS) on it. 

I didn't like it at first. I thought Dad didn't trust me, but now I know it's not that at all. Mom and Dad really love me and don't want me to get lost in the woods. But I won't get lost. 

When Mom and I walk in the woods, I mark my trail. I can find my way back home by scent if Mom wanders off without me. 

Maybe we need a tracker for her. 

Sunday, September 25, 2016

I met a turtle and I liked it

I took Mom for a walk in the woods yesterday. I got in trouble and had to stay on the leash for a long time because I didn't listen to her, but that's another story. I finally redeemed myself and got to play in the creek. But the best part of the walk was the turtle! 

I think I might have seen a turtle when I was a really little guy. I'm not sure I remember but I think it hissed at me. Why would I remember that if it didn't happen? Anyway, I'm older - almost ten months - and I'll remember about turtles now. 

Mom saw the turtle before I did. I wanted Mom to unhook the leash and was having a temper around and almost stepped on the turtle. I really jumped when it moved! I barked at it and its head disappeared!

I tried and tried and tried to make it come back out but it didn't. Mom told me I could hurt it and I didn't want to do that. I just wanted to play. Mom said she thought it was a boy turtle because its bottom shell was curved inward. Having a shell sounds weird to me.

After we found the turtle, I calmed down and heeled properly, sat when Mom told me to, and even did three good stays in a row. By the time we got to the upper creek, Mom turned me loose and I got to play in the water.  

The turtle was gone when we came back, but that's ok. I was pretty tired from running through the woods. Mom told Dad we had a nice walk (even though I didn't behave at first). He gave me a Griller and I went into my crate and took a nap. I needed it!

Saturday, September 17, 2016

I made it into the big pool!

I made it into the big pool! Yeah, I cheated a bit. Mom and Dad were draining all the water out for the winter. They weren't watching me too closely and I hopped in. 

What fun!! I splashed around for a bit, then Mom asked me to get out. She said my toenails might rip a hole in the bottom and that would make Dad very unhappy because he'd have to buy a bigger pool next year.

He should buy a pool I can swim in! I love to swim! 

Mom said she'd try to get up early tomorrow so we can sneak into the state park and I can swim in the lake before the rangers are even awake. I think that's a good plan. 

She also said next summer we're going to build our own dam upstream in the creek. A private spot for Mom & me to have fun just below where the clean, clear water comes out of the spring. I like that idea!

Sunday, September 11, 2016

Throw it again!

I love to play Frisbee! I can even catch it every now and then. I'm getting better at protecting my nose, too. It stings when I miss and hit my nose. Dad says I need practice.

Another thing I need to practice is giving the Frisbee back to Dad so he can throw it again. I get so excited I forget! It's mine! Mine! Mine! 

I know Dad's right, and I know I can't chase it if he can't throw it. I'll get better and better and then Mom can get a video. I'm only nine months old. I've already come a long way!

Dad knows when I've played enough for one session. He told me to take the Frisbee to Mom, and then she took my picture. Then I dropped the Frisbee between the porch steps and it's still there. Mom says I have to figure out how to get it all by myself. I hope she changes her mind and gets it for me, but Mom's pretty tough about my toys. 

Guess I'd better ask her, politely of course, how to get it out. Then I'll be more careful. I always am after I've "lost" a toy. After all, they are MINE. 

Thursday, September 8, 2016

Snip Snip Part II

The day didn't start out very well, but it's ending better. I did not feel good this morning. All I wanted to do was sleep and mope around. Then Mom crushed a bag of ice cubes with a hammer - don't let your Mom do that because it makes too much noise. Anyway, Mom made me crushed ice and I love ice. By the time I finished licking up all the bits and pieces, I felt better. And hungry. So Mom gave me breakfast and things started to look up. 

I went to the office with Mom. While she worked on the computer, I slept a bit more. When Dad got up, we all went out on the front porch. Remember when I told you people are crazy? Mom and Dad disassembled the table out there with a big saw and we hauled it to the dumpster. 

Mom was worried I'd be afraid to ride in the truck because of yesterday, but I wasn't. 

Then Uncle Bob came for a visit. I was feeling pretty good but he listened to Dad and wouldn't throw the Frisbee for me. 

I haven't licked my incision hardly at all. Mom took a peek at it and said it's not oozing at all, but I knew that. But, um, my little boy, um, well I'm not sure what to call it but it feels really weird. I was a little worried but Mom and Dad say I'm still a guy dog. I'm glad to hear it, too. 

(Mom wanted a picture, but I'm feeling camera shy tonight. Maybe tomorrow.)


NOW I understand about the "snip-snip."

I don't think I can talk about it......

Tuesday, September 6, 2016

I think I'm worried

Mom and Dad are back to talking about the snip-snip. The last time it got postponed because Grandma had to be rushed to the hospital. So whatever this snip-snip is, it finally happens tomorrow. 

I don't like the sound of it. I can't have anything to eat or drink after six o'clock today? What? No food? No treats? No ice cubes?

This does not bode well for little ole me. 

Monday, September 5, 2016

I can spell p-i-z-z-a

I know exactly what it says on that box. PIZZA.  
I know, so I'd better get a piece. 
Not just a bite. I want a whole piece. 
For me. 

I'm Deuce, and I can spell P-I-Z-Z-A.

Sunday, September 4, 2016

Pumpkin & Peanut Butter - YUM YUM!

I'm getting to be one seriously spoiled puppy. Mom says I may be the last dog she ever has, so spoiling me is okay. Yesterday, she was doing a lot of cooking for the freezer and she didn't forget me.

I don't really understand why she made all that stuff to eat later, but I guess she knows what she's doing. 

I'm a Labrador Retriever. I say eat now! 

Mom bought a pumpkin that she chopped into smaller pieces. Then she put the smaller pieces in the oven to roast. When the pieces cooled, she made pumpkin puree. 

Pumpkin puree is good. Like, really good. Mom is pretty smart so she mixed about 2 cups of the pumpkin puree with a big scoop of peanut butter, added a little splash of milk and some honey, and made me pumpkin and peanut butter frozen treats! I love, love, love frozen treats! 

I thought I'd died and gone to heaven! I got to lick the bowl! And the spatula! Then last night, before bedtime, Mom gave me one of the biscuits. It wasn't quite frozen solid, but it was soooo good. Dad even tasted it before I got it. He said he could see why I'd like it, but he'd stick with pumpkin pie. 

So now I have more questions. What's pumpkin pie and can I eat it?  

Sunday, August 28, 2016

A new noise after dark

Mom and I went outside after dark last night. We do it all time. Being outside after dark is fun. Mom tells me about the stars. I don't care about most of it, but I pay attention when she talks about Sirius, the dog star. Sirius is the brightest star in the night sky, and is part of the constellation Canis Major. Mom says it just goes to show part of the reason dogs are so important. 

I didn't feel very important last night. Actually, I'm a little embarrassed to have to admit it, but I was scared last night. I heard a really eerie sound. I ducked my head, tucked my tail, and trotted toward the house until I remembered Mom would be out there all alone with whatever was making that noise. I might've been scared, but I couldn't allow Mom to be outside by herself. 

Mom didn't seem to be frightened by the sound. She smiled!

"That's a screech owl, baby," she told me. (I love it when she calls me 'baby.' It makes me feel like a puppy again.) "You won't hear many of those calling to their mates over the course of your lifetime, and you'll probably never actually see one. But I like to stop and listen whenever I hear them," she said.

Then we went out on the sunroom porch and listened to the owls call back and forth until they stopped. It made Mom happy, and I'm not scared of owls any longer. 

I'm Deuce, and I keep Mom company outside after dark. 

Tuesday, August 23, 2016

Don't breathe water!

Mom took me for a walk this evening. We went down to the creek so I could splash around a bit. I put my head under the water to grab a rock and forgot to hold my breath.

 It made my nose burn and I sneezed and sneezed and sneezed.  I'll be more careful next time.

Take my advice. Don't breathe water. 

And listen when your Mom says, "No rocks!"

Sunday, August 21, 2016

Watermelon treats

I love watermelon! Who knew it was so sweet? So icy and cool! Mom bought a set of silicone forms to make me homemade treats. It's not that she thinks there's anything wrong with the stuff she buys, but she thinks I need variety and I really, really, really think she's right. 

Plus, after I've been outside playing, I'm hot and Mom knows I like a cold treat. I wonder how Mom knows so much? 

I'm Deuce, and I love snacks! 

* * * * *

Frozen Watermelon Treats

Use a blender to make this.

Approximately 2 cups pureed seedless watermelon
10 to 12 ounces of coconut water
Honey to taste (because humans can eat these, too!)

Blend ingredients. Pour into the mold. Freeze. Enjoy! 

Friday, August 19, 2016

Out of the Whistle zone

Yesterday I rode with Dad down to the gas station. He needed to fill the gas cans so he could fuel-up the mowers to cut the grass. 

I'm not sure I like the mowers. Man, are they loud. And they create a bunch of particles in the air. Everyone sneezes after Dad cuts the grass. 

Anyway, I got to ride along. Dad called Mom to let her know I was going out of the Whistle zone. I like when they talk on the phone during the day. I get to hear Mom's voice and know she's okay. I'm not sure what the Whistle zone is, but it must be important. 

Well, when Mom got home from work, I heard her tell Dad it was really stressful when she knew I was away from home without her. She was afraid I wouldn't behave for Dad. She knows I'm so strong now could inadvertently knock Dad on his butt. (How's that for learning a big word?) 

But I did behave! I stayed in the backseat the whole time the truck was moving. The only time I stuck my head out the window was when Dad was pumping gas and I wanted to see what he was doing. 

I was so good Mom made me watermelon treats! 

Maybe once the weather cools down I'll get to go with Dad more often. He says it's just too hot to leave me alone in the truck for even a few minutes. He's got to be there with me, like yesterday. 

Besides, if he leaves me in the truck alone, Mom says her head will explode and I do NOT like the sound of THAT! 

Saturday, August 13, 2016

Let's swim!

It's really hot outside. It's so hot Mom and Dad said they weren't doing any chores today. Instead of work, they said it was a good day to go to the river. I didn't know if I would get to go, but then Mom put my special no-slip collar on me and I knew I was going, too!

I was very well behaved in Dad's pickup. I've learned how to ride in the truck. 

First stop - Micky D's! I love, love, love Egg McMuffins with real bacon. I wish we could have them every day, but they're for very special occasions. Mom said I'd burn off the calories at the river. 

(Darn. I wasn't supposed to tell anyone I had people food again. Mom says some folks go nuts about that, but it was only one little egg and some scrawny bacon. Really.) 

After we wolfed down our breakfast... I like that word. Wolf. Wolf is a really good word. It makes me feel big and bad. Anyway, we drove down to some place called River Bottom. 

Wow, oh wow! I didn't understand what the river was but it's water! Sheets of moving of water! More water than what's in the creek! So much water I could swim in it! I didn't even know I could swim! I love to swim!

I wish Mom could have shot a video, but she was in the river with me to make sure I didn't get too far away from the shallow water. She's right. If she'd taken me off the leash, I might have floated away and that would not be good. But now that we know I can swim, Mom and Dad say they'll take me to the river more often so I can practice. 

When we came home, I was so tired I sacked out on the floor and took a nap beside Dad's chair. Mom came and asked if we were both still alive and then she snapped my picture. She really doesn't like it when Dad and I get too quiet. She knows us too well. 

I'm Deuce, and I'm a good dog, but I'm going back to sleep. I'm knackered!

Tuesday, August 9, 2016

I'm a little worried...

... Mom said the snip-snip was scheduled for the 24th. 

Dad looked at me and laughed.

Whatever this is, I don't think it's a good thing for me.

Sunday, August 7, 2016

My sixth month picture

Mom thinks I'm handsome. She wanted a nice picture of me and I didn't understand at first. But then I got it and sat still. Mom says she knew if she put a treat on the edge of her desk, I'd be intent on that and she could get a picture. She knows how to work me, but that's okay. She tells me all the time I'm a good dog, and that's nice to hear.

Thursday, August 4, 2016

Creek time!

Mom took a video of me playing in the creek to share. Getting in the creek is fun! There are fish, frogs and little lobsters Mom calls "crawdads." 

That's confusing because Dad has nothing to do with whatever those tiny creatures really are

I think Mom needs to work on her video-taking skills. It needs more me.

Wednesday, August 3, 2016

It's what I do

Mom wants to get another cat. It seems, unlike me, Shooter actually performed a vital function in our house. He was mouse control, and I know that's not an easy job because mice are sneaky. 

Dad says one of my jobs is security, but it doesn't feel like an important job to me. Oh sure, I bark at the deer and chase a few squirrels, but that's all dog stuff. I'd keep my parents safe from critters even if it wasn't my job. 

Yesterday, the DirecTV man came to fix a problem Dad was having with his techie toys. I'm not allowed to chew the remote. Anyway, Dad put me in my crate. Now I ask you - how can I keep Dad safe if he treats me like a felon? It proves my point this security gig isn't all that important. 

But I guess keeping Mom safe on her walks is kind of important. I'm following in some big paw steps when we walk. Callahan and Jett never let anything happen to her when they walked. And I won't, either. 

I'm Deuce. I'm a good dog, and I walk with Mom.

Tuesday, August 2, 2016

Deuce knows sticks

Last Saturday it rained. Mom and Dad teased me, saying it "rained cats and dogs" but there wasn't any cats and dogs that I could find. And I did look! 

When it finally stopped raining, Mom and I walked out to see if there any damage to our lane. It's pretty long, which is good for me because I'm allowed to go by myself all the way out to where our section connects to cousin Sean's. I can get some good speed when I run up and down the lane! 

The rain washed out a few ruts that Dad had to fix. That's okay because 1) Mom's car could still get over the ruts and 2) Dad has a John Deere tractor. 

It was a nice walk, even if it was too short. I couldn't get in the creek. The water was running way too fast and it was very muddy. Mom said no, but I wasn't going in anyway. I am growing up and getting smarter, and I knew it wasn't a good idea.

On the way home, I found a really good stick, too. Mom laughed and took my picture.  

I'm Deuce. I'm a smart dog and I know sticks. 

Wednesday, July 27, 2016

Peanut Butter Ice

I take back every disgruntled thought I had about my Mom letting me run out of Grillers treats.  Mom came up with a killer idea for me by combining two of my favorite treats - ice and peanut butter. 

Mom took a couple of big spoonfuls of peanut butter. She says half a cup, but I don't like half of anything unless it's half of the people food on her plate. Anyway, take the peanut butter and thin it down with two cups of water. Then pour the slurry - what the hell is a slurry? 

Moving on... pour the slurry into a gallon-sized ziploc bag, seal it, and put it on a cookie sheet in the freezer. When the mixture is frozen, use a hammer to break it into little pieces to dole out to the dog. Store it in the freezer in the baggie. 

What? Dole it out? Mom!?!? 

There must be more in the freezer! I'll be sitting right where Mom parks her car when she gets home this afternoon. 

We're going to talk. 

Monday, July 25, 2016

I'm putting my paw down

Mom's in the dog house.

I'm out of Grillers.

I don't think I need to elaborate too much on this situation.

When she gets home from work tonight, she'd better have some with her. If not, I'm going to be stubborn and Labs can be very, very, very stubborn if they want to be.

I can't believe Mom let me down like this.

Sunday, July 17, 2016

Stay? Why?

Mom is teaching me a new thing and I don't like it much. It's called "stay."

Mom says "sit" or "down" and then "stay." Then she backs away from me. I don't like it when she does that. How can I protect Mom if I can't go with her?

I'm Deuce. I'm a good dog. But I don't like to stay. 

Thursday, July 7, 2016

Xylitol is bad for me

Xylitol is bad for dogs. Mom found this on the Internet. She says you need to go read the entire article, but here are the main points.

Xylitol is sugar-free, and reduces caloric intake for humans, but it’s toxic to dogs. It’s found in many household products including the following:

  • Diabetic snacks (e.g., gums)
  • Diabetic foods
  • Baked goods
  • Gums
  • Mints
  • Candies
  • Mouthwashes
  • Toothpastes (in large amounts!)
  • Chewable sugar-free multivitamins
  • Chewable sugar-free prenatal medications
  • Nasal sprays
  • Some peanut butters
  • Medications (including oral pills over-the-counter like melatonin or prescription medications like gabapentin)

While it’s completely safe for humans, it results in a severe insulin release when ingested by non-primate species (e.g., dogs!). Acute poisoning will occur in dogs, resulting in two main syndromes: hypoglycemia (i.e., a life-threateningly low blood sugar) and acute hepatic necrosis (i.e., severe liver failure).

Symptoms of xylitol poisoning in dogs include the following:

  • Weakness or lethargy
  • Depression
  • Walking drunk
  • Acute collapse
  • Vomiting
  • Trembling or tremoring
  • Seizures
  • A racing heart rate
  • Jaundiced gums
  • Black-tarry stool
  • Diarrhea
  • Bruising
  • Abnormal mentation
  • Clotting problems
  • Death

The general rule is that if xylitol is listed in the first 3-5 ingredients (typically in order of the amount that they appear in the food or product), it is going to be poisonous!*

*If your dog does get into something sugar-free, always check the ingredient list. Note that other sound-a-likes like sorbitol, maltitol, and erythritol are not poisonous to dogs. Likewise, other sugar-free products such as stevia, saccharin, sucralose, aspartame, etc. are also not poisonous to dogs. If your dog gets into one of these other sound-a-likes, it’s not poisonous. No need to worry, as long as you’re positive there’s no xylitol!

I'm glad Mom's doing her best to stay informed and keep me safe. I want to be with her for a long time! 

Tuesday, July 5, 2016

This is not something to play with

Having Mom home on a vacation day means I learn a lot of stuff. A few days ago I learned the big brown spiders are not live toys. I was tracking one across the patio and Mom got all excited. And not in a fun way, either. 

She told me if the spider bit me on the nose, I wouldn't have a nose left. I'm not sure what she meant, or how that could happen, but I know Mom was serious so that's good enough for me. 

I will not play with spiders. 

Today, Bill the Bug Man came. Mom knows him through where she works. He came and sprayed all around the house and patio for bugs, and especially spiders. He came over to my crate and said hello. I liked that! 

I'm a little insulted. I don't think Mom trusts me to leave spiders alone. But I guess it's okay. She just wants me to be safe. She said I'm only six months old and I might forget. 

I guess she has a point. I'm Deuce! I'm a good dog! But sometimes I need to be reminded of what to do - and not to do. 

Monday, July 4, 2016


I came so close to getting in trouble yesterday. Like, really close. Like Mom yelled at me close. 

I'm a dog so I know things. I can hear and smell things Mom and Dad don't seem to notice. I can see things, too, although Mom doesn't miss much. She sure saw me....well, I'm getting to that. 

It was dark outside and I heard something, only I didn't know what. Mom asked me if I had to pee so I barked and ran to the door. That's how I tell her yes when she asks if I have to go. The truth was I wanted to figure out what it was I heard. 

Mom opened the door and there it was! This - this- this- THING was sitting right under Mom's car! Mom is particular about her car so I knew this wasn't good. I barked at it and it took off like a rocket!

So I chased it. 

Mom was not pleased I disappeared into the woods after dark. I'm black. I vanish in the dark. She yelled at me to "come" but by the time I did, I was in trouble.   

I didn't go far. That little thing was quick and it got away. I went back to Mom and she yelled at me - for chasing the "rabbit" where she couldn't see me. 

She finally forgave me, but I get it now. Chasing rabbits is okay. Chasing rabbits after dark when Mom can't see me - not so much. 

But if that rabbit comes back in the daylight, his butt is mine, mine, mine. 

I'm Deuce! I can run really fast!

Thursday, June 30, 2016

A lesson in life

I've been a little sad the past couple of days. Mom and Dad took the cat to the vet. I didn't see him when they brought him home, but Mom explained they buried him up on the hill beside Jett, Callahan and Taz. Mom told me not to go up there and I think I'll listen to her on this one.

Mom told me I'd be the last dog to go on the hill. I wasn't too sure what she meant at the time, but she was sad when she told me. So I've been listening closely to Mom and Dad talk, and I think I have it figured out. 

I know that one day I'll get old, and I'll be tired, and it'll be time for me to go. Dogs know these things and we know it's ok. Mom's have a hard time with it. I think cats must get old and tired, too. I know Shooter was old. He told me in no uncertain terms he was too old to take any puppy nonsense from me. 

Maybe I should have been nicer when he slept in my puppy daybed. Mom said he wasn't hurting a thing by taking a nap in it when I wasn't using it, but I barked at him anyway. 

I think Shooter was ready to go, and Mom and Dad made sure it was easy for him. They said he's beside his best friend, Jett, who I never met. They say Callahan and Taz were buddies, too. 

Mom promised as soon as I'm done growing and know how to be 'easy' I can get a kitten of my own. I think Mom will be over being sad about Shooter by then. Having my own cat will be a big responsibility. It'll be up to me whether or not we're going to be friends because I'll be the older, bigger one. 

I think I can do it because I'm Deuce! I'm a good dog!

Monday, June 20, 2016

What'd I say?

I told you that people are nuts, and Mom's do weird stuff. Now I got proof.

Today, I was playing with Dad and I lost a baby fang - the upper right baby fang. It didn't surprise me because it's been bleeding a little bit so I knew it was ready to fall out. I'm glad I didn't swallow it, though. It's really pointy and it might have hurt the other end of me! 

Mom says it's a canine tooth. I heard her tell Dad the first puppy tooth she saved belonged to Callahan. I never knew him but Mom says he was a good dog, just like Jett was a good dog. She has one of their puppy teeth, too.  

Not to disrespect Mom, but I'm gonna call my canines my fangs. I'm a guy dog and I need to have a tough-guy front for when the deer come around. I'll show 'em my fangs. Doesn't that sound bigger and badder than showing the deer my canines? Anyway, I lost the tooth and Dad picked it up and gave it to Mom. Now Mom plans to keep it. Why?

Because Mom is a human, and humans are nuts. 

She's talking about stuff called DNA and winning the lottery and getting something called a clone of Callahan and Jett - and a second me. 

A second me? I don't think so! I'm Deuce! I'm an original!

I think she might be pulling my tail. 

Sunday, June 19, 2016

Stop and smell the lilies

Mom works really hard. She leaves the house about seven o'clock in the morning and doesn't get home until about five in the afternoon. I really miss her during the day, but she says "no work, no buy puppy chow." I like puppy chow so I guess it's a good thing Mom has a job. 

When Mom's home on the weekends, she says we have to stop and smell the roses. 

Well, I did that. Roses have thorns and I do not like thorns. They hurt my nose. But today I discovered that lilies smell good, too. And they don't have thorns! 

Mom is really happy about this lily. It's the only one the deer didn't eat the buds. Next year, when I'm full grown, the deer had better watch out for me. 

I'll protect the lilies. 

I'm Deuce, and this is MY yard!

Sunday, June 12, 2016

Mud flaps

It was a beautiful weekend! It was sunny and warm and Mom and Dad were outside for hours and hours. And when they're outside, Deuce (that's me!) is outside.

We were really busy, too. On Saturday, Mom watered all the flowers and tomatos in the big flower pots. Then she cut off the old blooms from the rose bushes, and sprinkled the bushes with some stinky white powder that made me sneeze. She told me to stay away, but I didn't listen. Next time I will.

Then Mom did a water test on the pool. I don't get it. Water is water, but she said it needed a bit of baking soda to make it soft. When Dad came outside, we all had coffee on the patio.

I don't like coffee. I'll stick to water without baking soda in it.

Dad had to fix the tailgate hinges on his pickup. He said they were really old and got rusty. Is 1999 a long time ago? Mom helped him. Then they put this metal contraption on the back of the truck so Dad can haul his fancy chair wherever he goes.

I was soooo tired Saturday night, I slept on the bed with Mom and didn't move at all!

Then today I got to help Dad put mud flaps on Mom's shiny red car. Mom's real particular about her car and doesn't like it to get too dirty. I'm not allowed to pee on the wheels EVER. It was fun helping Dad but I got bored and found a stick to play with.

Mom took a picture of me helping. Boy, I'm really growing up fast!

Friday, June 3, 2016

Am I handsome, or what!

Mom and Dad do a lot of what they call "home & garden projects." First thing this morning, right after Dad had a cup of coffee, we all hopped into the pickup and went to Lowe's. 

I jumped in without any help! Mom's right. My legs are longer now! Mom and Dad told me I had to ride in the back, but I put my elbows on the console so I could see out the windshield. When we got to Lowe's, I didn't need any help getting out. It's not as far down as it used to be. Or at least it doesn't seem to be. I used to be afraid of falling on my nose, but I know I won't now. 

I walked beside Mom the way she taught me and didn't pull on the leash. Well, maybe I did a little. I was kind of excited over all the new smells. Then the guys at the store loaded the truck for Mom, and Dad drove us to McDonald's and we each got a McMuffin. 

Oops. I wasn't supposed to tell you that. Mom says some folks have "issues" with a dog eating real bacon, eggs, and cheese. I don't know why. Mom said it was a treat and she was right! It was really good! 

Mom took my picture at the store and all I can say is, am I handsome, or what! 

Thursday, June 2, 2016

I'm rethinking my position (under the desk)

Mom is really happy with how well I'm growing. She feels my legs and feet all the time. I really like it when she rubs down the sides of my spine, too, all the way to the tip of my tail. She says I'm growing like a weed, which makes no sense at all because she and Dad don't like weeds. People are confusing. 

I'm getting very long. When I stretch out, full length, I take up a lot of floor space, especially in Mom's study. Mom tripped over me last night. I didn't mean for that to happen, and Mom wasn't mad or anything. But from now on I think I'll sleep under her desk instead of beside it. When she gets up, I'll just tuck my toes in. 

I just hope she doesn't forget when I'm under her desk and kick me by mistake. 

Saturday, May 28, 2016

Pool time!!!!

I had so much fun in my pool today that Mom took a video of me. I splashed and splashed for a long time. I even tried to sit in the water, but that felt really funny so I didn't. 

Hmm. When I did that, Mom and Dad talked about the snip-snip again. I bet there's a connection. 

Sunday, May 22, 2016

What's the big deal?

Mom is acting like a mom, and moms are a crazy bunch. What's the big deal that I have two of my adult teeth coming in? Is this a surprise, or something? 

And what's with Dad needing a picture of my two front teeth? I can't decide if the pair of them have gone round the bend or if I'm too young to understand all the fuss. 

And then there's this bit from a Christmas song about front teeth. People are nuts. 

I wonder what Mom and Dad are going to do when I get real fangs? It won't be much longer, you know. I'll have to be careful not to smile or they'll take more pictures. 

Tuesday, May 17, 2016

I'll never get my parents to grow up!

C'mon Mom and Dad. Did you guys really have to flash that thing in my face?

Okay. It's a BarkCam app. I get it, kinda. I'm not sure what an app is but I know you have fun with them. 

I know you don't really have a duck in your cellphone, so how'd you make that noise? 

And what's with the pink hat? I'm Deuce! I'm a country dog! You should have put a John Deere hat on me. And that had better be a Bud Light since that's what Dad likes. 

Have you guys stopped to think you're having way too much fun at my expense? Don't you have something better to do? Like feed me treats? 

I never imagined raising parents would be such hard work, but it's okay as long as you keep telling me I'm a good boy. 

But lose the BarkCam. It's just a step too far. 

Saturday, May 14, 2016

The puppy pool

My auntie C gave me her puppy pool. She's moving to Florida and didn't want to take it. Right away she thought of me. I'm a Labrador Retriever and I like water!

It was a really sunny morning here so Mom planted little flowers in her big pots. I've been told to leave them alone. I'll try to remember. I'll try to remember not to run off with the little garden gnome, too, but I don't want to swear it won't happen. I might forget, you know. 

When she got finished with the flowers, she put water in the puppy pool for me and I splashed around for a while. It was fun! Then Mom dumped the water out and swished it all over the patio with a broom. I don't think I like brooms.  

Mom says it will go out beside Mom & Dad's soaking pool so that on warm afternoons, we can all cool off. 

I think I'd rather get in the pool with them, but Dad put his foot down on that one. He says if I can't be careful when he's getting in and out, I'll have to stay in my crate when he's using the pool. I want to be outside with him so I'll try to remember because I'm Deuce! I'm a good boy! 

Saturday, May 7, 2016

Not again!

Does this look like my happy face? 

It started out to be such a great day. Mom was up early and we went outside. I wanted to play in the puddles but Mom asked me to wait, so I did. 

I was glad I listened because I got to go back to bed with Mom and Dad for an hour. Mom's right. I do take up more room now. 

Then Dad got up early for a Saturday. I should have sensed something was afoot. When Mom put my special training collar on me, I thought we were going to class, but nooooo. I heard Dad say "vet" and I knew.

More needles. I do not like needles. I don't care how much beef jerky the vet gives me, I do not like needles. I don't like them cutting my nails, either, but the girl was quick. 

The good news is I don't have to have any more shots for a whole year! The vet petted me and said I looked good. I looked at Mom and rolled my eyes. Mom knows I'm a handsome lad. 

Once we were back home, she let me off the leash and I ran for the water puddle! It was worth the wait! I splashed around like a big dog and made Mom laugh. I am a Labrador Retriever. We like water.  Mom didn't even fuss me for dripping on the floor.  

But what's this "snip-snip" everyone is talking about? I don't get it. 

Thursday, May 5, 2016

Pizza Night

Mom brought home a pizza for dinner. I knew what was in that flat box the moment she got it out of the car. 

I have great parents. I love them a lot, but sometimes they don't act too smart. Mom put puppy chow in my bowl and then gave Dad pizza. 

I mean - come on! Seriously? Did she really think I was going to eat dog food while they ate pizza??? I don't think so!! 

Dad's a soft touch. I knew if I asked him, politely of course, he'd give me a bite or two. He finally did, but he broke off the pieces and threw them at me. I didn't get it at first, but then I caught one! 

Mom says I'll get better at catching things. She says it's good to be the dog and have food fly into your mouth. Mom is right about a lot of things. 

Sunday, May 1, 2016

Dad got busted!

I'm not supposed to be up on the furniture. Mom says it's because I'm going to be as big as a horse some day so I need to learn good habits early. 

I know Mom's right, but I'm still a puppy. Dad says I don't take up a lot of room yet and he let's me sneak up onto his lap. 

Dad's chair is really comfy. He puts the footrest up and we nap. When we nap, we're quiet. When we're quiet, Mom gets suspicious. When Mom gets suspicious, she sneaks up on us to see what we're doing. 

And she takes a picture so we can't say we weren't napping together in the chair. 

For once, I'm not in trouble. 

Dad's in trouble. 

Saturday, April 30, 2016

Walking Daddy

My Daddy has a fancy chair on wheels. We like to go on walks. Well, Daddy doesn't actually walk since he rides in the chair, but it's the same thing as far as I'm concerned. I get to go out the driveway and see what's going on so it's all cool. 

Dad says I'm almost strong enough to pull his chair. He and Mom said they were going to get a little cart, and a harness for me, and then I could pull Dad around the yard. I didn't like the sound of that but then I realized they were teasing me. 

Not funny, guys. Make the cat do it. 

Sunday, April 24, 2016

Is quizzical the same as good?

Mom was at her desk making strange sounds. Right away I went to her to see why. Turns out she found pups in her computer. 

What the hell?????  How'd they get in there, and more importantly, what did she do with them?? What does it mean that she deleted them? Maybe I don't want to know. 

Mom said I had a quizzical expression on my face. What's that mean? 

Is that as good as handsome? She tells me I'm handsome all the time. 

Now she's ordering me a whole case of training treats. Apparently she thinks I need a lot of training. Really? 

I'm Deuce! I'm a good boy!