I almost got flapped

There was an incident this morning. I'm ashamed to admit, I didn't protect Mom. 

Mom finally came to her senses and is home with me and Dad every Monday. I like that! Mom should be with me every day, but I'll take what I can get for now. Being home with me three days a week is better than just two days a week. 

The weather was really nice this morning. Mom got up at her normal time, about six o'clock, and we went outside so I could do all my morning activities. When I was done, Mom fixed a cup of coffee (I don't like coffee, personally) and we went back outside to sit on our private little porch. It really was a fine country morning. No one was outside making noise, not even cousin Dave. 

So there I was, sitting on the porch admiring the nice mowing job Mom did on the front yard, and this wild turkey hen came strolling down the lower driveway and into the yard! And she had two little poults with her! 

I'm not allowed to chase Bambi and Kambi, but Mom never said a thing about turkeys!!!!!

I barked and barked and that hen ignored me. Being ignored is irritating so I decided to go have a chat with this big bird. I stepped off the porch and that's when it happened. That hen turned and stretched out her neck and flapped her wings and came toward me!! Well, I could tell right away she meant business and if I didn't back up, I was going to get a flapping and pecking. 

I didn't think I'd like that so I stopped as fast as I could. 

I don't remember much after that. Um, yeah. that's it. I forget what happened next. Let's go with that, not that I tucked my tail between my legs and headed for the back door and left Mom unguarded. What was I thinking to leave Mom outside with a crazed bird????

Mom came around and left me in the house, and she was laughing at me. Apparently, my shame is humorous to humans. But she gave me a Griller and told me I'm a good dog so we're good, and that's the important thing. 

The next time I see a wild turkey, I'll know what to do. I'll just bark. I'll look a lot braver in front of Mom that way. 

Mom called me a "snowflake"

Sometimes I worry about Mom. This morning she called me a "snowflake." Okay, it IS snowing right now, but I'm black. Like in all black. From the tip of my very excellent nose to the tip of my toes, I'm black. How can I be a snowflake when snow is white? 

Snow is fine, I guess. It started to snow yesterday afternoon at about four o'clock. Mom and Dad checked the weather report, and Mom joked we could get anywhere from zero to ninety-nine inches. She says predicting the weather is the only job where you get paid for being wrong a lot. Her phone app said we'd get one to three inches and there are about six inches on the ground right now! 

First thing this morning, like always, I had to pee. Mom opened the sunroom door for me and yowza! I stepped outside and my poor little paws about froze! I turned around and came back inside. That's when Mom called me a snowflake. She said a big, brave, handsome pup like me shouldn't have a problem with a little bit of snow. Then she took a picture of my footprints in the snow showing how I wouldn't jump down and go tinkle. I'm so glad I keep Mom amused. 

Hey, Mom. Why don't YOU walk outside with your feet bare and tell me what you think about that?

I think Mom is going to have the last laugh on me real soon. I really need to go out. A guy can only hold it for so long, you know. The upside is that when I do finally go out, Mom will give me a Griller when I come back inside. Hmmm...

I'm Deuce! I'm going out! Cold paws are a small price to pay for a Griller. 

Really, Mom?

It's gotten really cold outside, so cold that Mom can't go out without a coat. I have to stand at the door and wait for her until she's got on a coat and gloves. I hate to wait!

Cold weather cuts into my walk time, too. My paws are pretty tough but the ground is freezing. Mom knows this and she pays attention. I must do something that signals her my tootsies have had enough because she seems to know just the right moment to turn around and head home. We had a dusting of snow the other morning. That was really cold on my paws but I liked it. 

Mom and I get bored when it's cold outside. We were out of bed at our usual time and I went out by myself to tinkle. That's all good. But Mom won't take a cup of coffee to the porch or patio when it's this cold. I sit at the door in Mom's office and look out, but it's not the same as being outside and able to smell the breeze. Plus, that skanky Loki comes pussy-footing along and sits beside me. He doesn't help me keep an eye on the neighborhood. He's too busy washing his paws to be of any use. 

This morning, Mom set the jar of Grillers on her desk. I love Grillers! They're the best!  Anyway, she gave me a few bites - she always breaks them into pieces so I get to taste them - and then she closed the jar. But I could see it. I could see there were more Grillers inside! So I sniffed the jar and do you know what she did? She took my picture. Mom set me up!

Really, Mom? I'm Deuce and I know what you did. We can be friends again if you give me another Griller. 

It wasn't toooo bad

Mom took me to the vet this morning. For the record, I do not like going to the vet. 

The ride to town was okay, I guess, but as soon as Mom opened the truck door, I knew where I was. I peed right then and there. Right on the parking lot. That's my commentary on the whole thing. I'm a Lab. If we can't chase it, play with it, or eat it, we PEE ON IT. 

Mom called me ornery like it was a funny thing and then convinced me I had to go inside and get it over with. So I went inside. 

And three women mobbed me! Seriously, I know I'm handsome. I'm Deuce! But three of them?  

Then they wanted me to sit on the scales. Um.... no. I didn't like that idea because the scale moved when I put my paw on it. So these three Amazons who said I was soooo handsome and soooo good just picked me up and put me on the scale. Am I some threat to society or something that they had to dog-handle me? They didn't even give Mom a chance to explain it to me so I could do it myself!  I would have figured it out because Mom never makes me do anything that would hurt me. Maybe next time will be better. Anyway, I weigh eighty pounds now. I'm not a pup anymore. I'm full grown! 

Mom took me into an examination room with a bench so you know I jumped up and lay across Mom's lap to protect her. The vet came in and tried to make nice with me by giving me some sort of organic dog biscuit. Yeah. Right. Like I was going to eat THAT. Mom had Grillers in the pickup so I decided to hold out for those. 

I got three shots to prevent distemper, kennel cough, and rabies. I guess it wasn't as bad as I remembered. I was still a little guy when I had the other shots. That makes a difference. 

I was glad to get home. Dad and I played a little Frisbee and then Mom took some pictures of me. It was all good, but I'm sorta sleepy now. Mom says I'm "lethargic" and I need a nap. Sounds like a good idea to me. 

A really full Saturday morning

Mom and Dad have been uber busy the past two weeks. I'm not sure I was any help as they got the yard and house ready for winter, nor do I understand the fuss. Winter will come no matter what. I don't know how I know that, but dogs know lots of important things. Even little puppies know stuff. 

Dad's been on the mower a lot, chopping up leaves. He installed a new set of steps on the sunroom porch, too. Mom loves them, but I think it's easier to jump off the porch. Faster, too. Dad chopped off all the hosta and now my pee spots are gone. Really, guys. Was this necessary? Now I have to go all the way into the woods and find a tree.

This morning, Mom and Dad took Dad's truck for its semi-annual oil change. I wasn't happy because they put me in my crate. I mean, I got a griller treat and everything, but I would have gone along! It would have been fun! I didn't really need a nap.

Mom got home first and right away she busted me out of jail. We went outside and walked down the lane to meet Dad. I picked up what I thought was a ball - I'll never do that again. It was a walnut and it was nasty. Mom had the nerve to laugh at me and point out that she'd said "no" and I didn't listen. I really need to listen to Mom.

It was a bit chilly but I jumped in the creek anyway. I'm Deuce! I have a really thick coat so the cold water doesn't bother me much. Then I spotted Dad's pickup coming up the road. Mom and I got in and I smelled something really good on the drive up the lane to the house. Mom and Dad went to breakfast (without me) but they brought me a scrambled egg and a sausage link!  It's a good thing, too, because my bowls were empty. 

What wasn't good was Mom made me STAY to get pieces of sausage. I don't like to stay but it was okay - this time. 

After my snack, Mom took me out to play Frisbee. It was a busy morning! I wonder what we'll do next?

Peanut Butter Ice

I take back every disgruntled thought I had about my Mom letting me run out of Grillers treats.  Mom came up with a killer idea for me by combining two of my favorite treats - ice and peanut butter. 

Mom took a couple of big spoonfuls of peanut butter. She says half a cup, but I don't like half of anything unless it's half of the people food on her plate. Anyway, take the peanut butter and thin it down with two cups of water. Then pour the slurry - what the hell is a slurry? 

Moving on... pour the slurry into a gallon-sized ziploc bag, seal it, and put it on a cookie sheet in the freezer. When the mixture is frozen, use a hammer to break it into little pieces to dole out to the dog. Store it in the freezer in the baggie. 

What? Dole it out? Mom!?!? 

There must be more in the freezer! I'll be sitting right where Mom parks her car when she gets home this afternoon. 

We're going to talk. 

I'm putting my paw down

Mom's in the dog house.

I'm out of Grillers.

I don't think I need to elaborate too much on this situation.

When she gets home from work tonight, she'd better have some with her. If not, I'm going to be stubborn and Labs can be very, very, very stubborn if they want to be.

I can't believe Mom let me down like this.