Christmas Eve -I'm going for a ride!

They can't fool me. I heard Mom say it yesterday. They're going to wait until dark and then ride around and look at all the Christmas lights. 

I hope they know I'm NOT staying home alone. I'm going to ride along tonight. Now all I have to do is convince my parents it's the best idea ever to take me along. 

Riding in Mom's car is fun. I can stretch out in the backseat and get really comfy. And when I'm comfy, I'm quiet. Heck, I might even be able to snap a nap. I'm going along.

They might try to sneak out on me, but I'm watching them. Call me Hawkeye because I won't miss a single move they make. When Mom has a purse, it's time to block the door. Better yet, since I always go out to peepee before they go anywhere, I'll refuse to come back inside. I'll go sit beside the Charger and wait on them. 

You just watch me. I'm a good dog. I deserve to go on a little ride. 

I. Am. Going. Along. 

Please, Mom?

_*_*_*_*_*_

UPDATE!  I TOLD YOU I WAS GOING FOR A RIDE!!!

I was never that young

Sadie

Sometimes I wonder if Mom will ever learn to consult me before she agrees to do something. I mean, I could head her off at the pass and save us both a lot of aggravation. Yesterday is a prime example of what I'm talking about. 

What am I talking about? Or should that be barking about? Maybe whining. Let's go with whining. (Mom says the correct word is "whinging" but I don't know that one.) ANYWAY, we babysat Sadie yesterday so Cousins Dave and Sharon could go out to dinner for their 40th wedding anniversary. 

I helped. Mom and Dad made me. I had no choice in the matter. 

Okay, so Sadie is a pretty little thing. She's family and I'm snipped and now Mom is glaring at me. Hey, I'm laying out the facts. Sadie is also very perky. She has a lot of energy whereas I'm more reserved as befits a descendant of the St. John's Dog. 

I should have known something was up when Mom walked down the driveway without me. She went to get Sadie so Sadie wouldn't see her Mom and Dad leave her behind and get abandonment issues.

What about me? Mom was quick enough to abandon ME! She never goes on walks without me but off she went. And she came back with Sadie! What about my issues? 

So Mom brings Sadie inside and Sadie jumps on me. I showed her the old pearly whites but she didn't seem to notice. Instead, she beat me on the nose with her paw! I did not like this and told her in no uncertain terms to stop it. She seemed really surprised and sat still and stared at me. 

Once we established that smacking me in the face wasn't okay, things settled down. Sadie stayed with Mom and I guarded Dad. It worked out really well. Sadie and I could discuss things from a distance, which we did. And then Mom took us outside.

You know what? I sort of figured it out. Batting at me with her paws is how Sadie tells me she wants to play! So I played a little and even wagged my tail for her - twice. Mom said that was a good start and took us back inside for treats. 

Having Sadie come for a visit was okay. We got everything figured out, but we're dogs from different packs. We'll have to sort of figure it out again the next time we see each other. That's the way it works when different packs meet.

I think when Sadie is a little older and stops smacking me with her furry feet, we'll get along better. She just has toooooo much energy for a mature guy like me. I gotta tell ya, I was never that young. 

We have an interloper and I don't like it

 Now I know what, or is it who, I keep hearing at night. It's a raccoon! I don't like this at all!

Mom's not really happy about it either, let me tell ya. She looked at Dad and said, "GET THE GUN." Now those are serious words from Mom. 

According to the time stamp on the trail com, Mom and Dad need to be lurking around outside around 5:00 AM. Which could really be 4:00 AM now. I'm still confused about the time change. Anyway, this critter must go and we don't care if it leaves by way of a cage or worse. Much, much worse for the critter. 

Mom and Dad told me raccoons carry a disease called rabies which is really pretty horrible. Loki and I have had shots to keep us from getting it, although Loki is due his booster. They don't give people shots unless they're exposed, which is sort of dangerous. 

If a dog or a human gets rabies, they die. End of their story. 

So the critter has to go. That's the end of its story.

I helped by staying out of the way!

Deuce helps make garden racks

The weather was great today! Not too cold, not too hot, just right for Mom, Dad, and me being outside. Mom had all this garden stuff she wanted to do and she needed Dad's expertise with the cordless drill to get it done today. I helped by staying out of the way. I mean, the sun was sooooo warm and my fur is black and it was sooooo nice to just flop in the grass and feel the warmth of the sun on my toes. 

We have an old pool pad beside the front porch. My parents used to put a pool on it but it's gotten sort of dangerous for Dad to climb in and out of a pool so Mom's using the spot for what she calls her garden corral. Dad helped put down a new tarp, build the racks, and get them set in place. 

Here's the problem with all this. So Mom is growing veggies. 

Peppers. I can't eat them.

Cucumbers. I don't like them.

Radishes. Yuk.

Spinach. Double yuk yuk! 

The Garden Corral ready to go

Carrots. Um... maybe, but probably not.

Lettuce- four kinds. No, no, no.

Peas. Nope.

Tomatoes. No.

Pumpkin. Yes! But I have to wait so long to get some!

Watermelon. Heck, yea!! Make me some frozen treats! 

Are Dad and I glad there's no kale on this list? YES!

So as you can see, there's not a lot for lil' ol' me to enjoy in the garden corral. I have a sneaky suspicion that if I forget myself and pee-pee on any of Mom's grow bags, I'll be in the deep doggie doo-doo. 

Tomorrow, Dad's getting on the John Deere 1023 and helping Mom do a few more things. Cousin Dave gave Mom some blocks to build a wall down on the turn of the driveway. Those careless Amazon delivery drivers have turned the corner into a muddy mess by driving up the bank. Mom and Dad say some nice concrete will stop them from being able to do that. It's a shame Mom won't let me scare any of the delivery drivers.

Not that I'd EVER scare Mary the Mail Lady. She's pretty cool. She likes me a lot and always gives me a treat. Plus, Dad says she knows how to drive slowly and is respectful of our lane, not like the Amazon drivers. Mom used to get my treats through an Amazon subscription and she canceled it because the drivers are so disrespectful. She told me not to worry, though. She can get my snackies at lots of other places. 

The thing is that if this silly garden corral makes Mom happy, Dad and I will go along with it. If Mom wants to make pickles, we want to watch. If Mom wants a big salad made with lettuce she grew in a grow bag, we'll stand back and let her enjoy it. And if Mom wants to raise a steer for steaks, we're all in!

How about it, Mom? Got any plans for beef?

****Note from Mom****

Sorry, baby. You know I'd turn a calf into a pet and then where would we be?

I protest this unfair treatment!

 

A long time ago I said I wished I had thumbs so I could help Mom carry stuff. I was a lot younger then, like only one.  A lot has changed since then. I've recently decided I should stop coveting thumbs. Like just yesterday I decided. Dad has thumbs and it didn't help him cook. 

Now, Dad's a pretty good cook. I love, love, love it when he cooks eggs. Eggs are good, well, maybe not as good as steak, but good. Getting steak in this house just became problematic.

Dad's also a good bread baker. Mom and I talk about this sometimes when I'm in her office begging for snackies. She tells me I had bites of bread and that's all I get until morning. I do not like this but I'm a good boy and I listen. 

Soooo, Dad was making something called pita pockets. They are de-lish, for the record. He used his favorite skillet, the one he sears steaks in, for his project. He also used a rubber spatula in a hot skillet. 

And this is why there will be no steak fat for the dog, a.k.a. ME, in the foreseeable future. 

This is cruel and unusual punishment. I protest! 

Thirty Days of Deuce- Day 24: Fridays are really long days

I miss Mom a lot on Fridays. She leaves for work and doesn't come home to see me until after bowling. Some Fridays that's almost ten o'clock. That's past my bedtime. 

Dad takes good care of me on Fridays. We go outside a couple of times a day and walk. If it's not freezing cold, he throws a ball for me. He doesn't throw it very hard, or far, because he doesn't want me to get excited and put a lot of pressure on my bad leg. But every once in awhile he'll treat me to a really good throw. Mom raises her eyebrow over it, but we do it. 

Mom has been bowling all her life. She really enjoys it although she says she was better at it when she was younger. 

I like to bowl, too! Mom gave me an old plastic bowling ball and sometimes I get to roll it all over the yard. It's great fun! Then I let it roll to the bottom of the yard and Mom has to carry it back up the hill for me. No way can I pick it up and carry it. 

I can see why Mom thinks bowling is fun. It's a challenge and we all need those from time-to-time. 

Thirty Days of Deuce: Day 22 - I didn't get nearly enough of it

When I was just a little guy, Mom told me it was good to be the dog. I didn't understand until I got older and my hand to mouth coordination kicked it. It IS good to be the dog. I open my chops and Mom tosses food into my mouth! 

I never miss.

Dad can cook. Last Monday he made a batch of Sloppy Joe's and there was enough left for dinner tonight. To top it off, Dad is learning to make bread and he made fancy rolls. Everything smelled so good, and I know from two days ago the Sloppy Joe's are dee-lish! Suppertime is a good time to be me!

Usually, I get a fair cut of supper. Mom gives me a bite to start, and then Dad gives me a bite to finish. It's a good system when we're having something that is puppy-friendly. 

Mom. Dad. Sloppy Joe's are puppy-friendly. How come I only got one teeny-tiny bite from each of you??? Something ain't right. Look at my face. I know I got cheated.

You guys had better 'splain yourselves. 

Thirty Days of Deuce - Day 14 - I'm Four!!!

Today is my fourth birthday! I know because Mom told me. She keeps track of everything about me to keep me safe, happy, and most importantly, well-fed. 

Food is good! I love food! Especially people food, but Mom watches me like a hawk whenever I get people food. Hey Mom! It's my birthday! Can I ask least have a little lick of chocolate??????

Maybe not. I got the stink-eye on that request. 

ANYWAY.... today is my birthday. Being four means I've been grown up for a while now. I know lots of stuff. Mom says I'm really smart, but I'm just me. 

We were looking at some pictures of me as I was growing to share today. I was quite a handsome lad, wasn't I?  There's a picture from my first night in my forever home, the first night I slept on the bed with Mom, and me in my orange safety vest. Mom says that's one of her all-time favorite pictures of me. We had a lot of fun on our walk that day. 

I'm not sure what being four will be like, but as long as I'm still in the pack and we're all looking out for each other, it will be a good year. 

Now... where is my birthday cake?

Thirty Days of Deuce - Day 3 - Roombas are noisy

Mom and Dad have this gizmo called a Roomba. It's this little round thing that glides over the floors and scoops up my shed fur. 

I don't like it.

It's noisy and it runs into things. Dad has it programmed to come on in the middle of prime nap time. Around and around it goes, and sometimes it drops a big wad of my fur and then has to go back to pick it up again. 

I can be napping, minding my own business, and the Roomba will head straight for me. I don't like it. I've even hopped up into Mom's chair to get away from it. 

Mom says it's helpful even if it doesn't get all my fur off the floor. I mean, she still has to run the little cordless vac when she gets home from work. It seems like I shed fur all day, every day. 

It's a good thing Mom loves me. 

Thirty Days of Deuce - Day 1

Happy New Year! Mom says it's the year 2020, not that I know what that is. We stayed up really late last night to watch the ball drop. Hey! I remember now! We've done that before. It's a Mom and Dad thing. The neighbors got a little rowdy, but we were quiet.

Mom says she wants us to try something special to kick off 2020. She says we're going to do Thirty Days of Deuce. I like it! That's thirty days of ME! 

We'll try to get a good picture of me every day and post it at my blog. It sounds hard, but it should be fun. Mom said the challenge will be to get different pictures of me. I need to behave and be still so I see what she means. 

We're off to a good start. First up is me having breakfast. I love breakfast. Mom put a cup of chow in my hex and I settled down to play with my food. 

Remember - be the pack in 2020. It's the best! 

Mom said Loki is weather-smart

Mom says Loki is a smart cat. I would disagree, but Mom might be right about this one. Loki went outside with me this morning, around six o'clock (Mom told me the time). Usually, he'll go sit on the picnic table and keep an eye on the squirrels. It's a sunny spot and off the ground, so he's pretty safe there. Anyway, today he came back inside with me after I did my outside activities. When Mom and I went to her office, he followed us. 

Loki slept in the chair all day. Mom said twelve hours (Mom's the timekeeper, not me). I agreed with Mom when she said he's a lazy cat. When Mom checked the weather on her phone, she looked at me and said, "that explains it." 

Well, I'm Deuce. I'm pretty smart, but I was puzzled. Explains what, exactly? Why Loki is lazy? I mean, shouldn't he be out looking for mice or moles? Or squirrels?

Mom says cats have a weather sense. We might get a wintry mix tonight. Cats seem to know when bad weather is coming and they just hunker down and sleep. She said she should have recognized the signs. 

Huh. Who would have thought Loki was smart enough to get an entry on my blog, much less give clues about the weather? 

I'll have to keep a closer eye on that cat...

Yes! Pumpkin pie!

Mom gets these emails from a group called AKC. The email today was about what foods I can eat at Thanksgiving.

I am sooooooooo thankful pumpkin pie is on the list!!

I'm Deuce, and I love pumpkin pie!

Is it Thanksgiving yet?

Pizza time!

I'm a pretty smart fellow. I know a lot of words and one of them is "pizza." So when Mom says it's pizza for dinner, I'm right there! 

Usually, if we have pizza it's on Thursday night or Saturday afternoon, but Mom was tired this evening. 

I'm not sure what the best part of the pizza is. Well, I DO, but I never get a whole slice. I get bits and bites but I'll take it. I love pepperoni! Sausage, too! And the crust! The crust is best when it crunches. 

I was waiting for Dad to give me a bite when Mom took my picture. Notice how nice and polite I am while I patiently wait for crumbs. I don't jump up or paw at Dad. I KNOW he's going to give me bites because Dad takes care of me that way. Mom does, too. 

I'm Deuce, and I'm a good dog for pizza. 

He's behind me, isn't he?

I love Saturdays! Mom is home with me and Dad on Saturday. We do what Mom calls "puttering." It means we do a lot of little chores. Today, Mom helped Dad hang two lights in the shed and then she took the John Deere 1023 around the yard and picked up big sticks. 

Dad was tidying his workbench while Mom picked up sticks. I had to stay with him because Mom does not like it when I get in front of the tractor. I know how to stay out of the way but she doesn't care. She'll yell at me if I get in the way and that is not a good thing for me. 

Mom was ready to park the 1023 when Dad said he wanted to check the air in the tires. I was resting on a little pile of leaves when Mom got out the cell phone to take my picture. I wasn't paying enough attention to what was going on. I was focused on Mom and Dad, like I should be. 

Then I heard Mom call out to Loki. 

He's behind me, isn't he???

I don't like ramps

I haven't felt like talking for a while. My leg bothers me. The medicine helps some, but I can't do everything I want to do and that makes me mopey. 

Mom got me a ramp and I don't like it much. She meant well. She thought it would help me get on the bed at night. Mom likes me to sleep at the foot of the bed, and I like it, too. It's my spot at night. I can be close and watch over her and see out the window at the same time.

Anyway, I do not like the ramp. Mom is not happy with me that I won't use it. Last night, Mom and Dad ganged up on me and I had no choice but to walk up the ramp. 

The funny thing is, I go up the ramp Cousin Dave built onto the front porch without any problems. I use this new ramp to get into my pickup so I can go for a ride. 

I guess the thing is, I like it when Mom helps me onto the bed. It makes me remember when I was a little guy and she carried me. I'm a lot bigger now and I weigh eighty-three pounds. Mom can barely give me a boost onto the bed. 

Even after I have surgery, I won't be able to jump for a long time. I need to dog-up and get over myself and use the ramp. 

I rolled in it and Dad was not happy

I'm a country dog. I think we established that a while back. I live a really good life. Mom and Dad take great care of me. I even get puppy burgers. I looove puppy burgers! What was I saying?

Oh yeah. Living in the country is fun. I get to chase deer and crows all the time. I've seen foxes, coons, groundhogs, turkeys, snakes, and even skunks. Skunks are not a good thing.

All the critters have interesting smells, and sometimes I can't help but be a dog's dog. Dad and I went for a walk yesterday and I smelled something on the ground - so I rolled on it. 

Big mistake. 

Apparently, it did not leave me smelling like a rose.

Dad was not pleased. He called Mom (she was at work) and she told him to scrub me down with dish detergent, the antibacterial kind. So he did. Man, was the water he dumped on me cold! And he made me stay outside for a long time before he threw water on me, too. 

By the time Mom got home, I was dry again. She checked me out and I'm so glad to report I passed her sniff test. If I hadn't, she was going to get the hose out and squirt me with more soap and cold water! 

I'm Deuce. I'm a smart dog. I hope I remember WHY it's bad to roll in things that smell good. Cold water. That's why. 

I almost got flapped

There was an incident this morning. I'm ashamed to admit, I didn't protect Mom. 

Mom finally came to her senses and is home with me and Dad every Monday. I like that! Mom should be with me every day, but I'll take what I can get for now. Being home with me three days a week is better than just two days a week. 

The weather was really nice this morning. Mom got up at her normal time, about six o'clock, and we went outside so I could do all my morning activities. When I was done, Mom fixed a cup of coffee (I don't like coffee, personally) and we went back outside to sit on our private little porch. It really was a fine country morning. No one was outside making noise, not even cousin Dave. 

So there I was, sitting on the porch admiring the nice mowing job Mom did on the front yard, and this wild turkey hen came strolling down the lower driveway and into the yard! And she had two little poults with her! 

I'm not allowed to chase Bambi and Kambi, but Mom never said a thing about turkeys!!!!!

I barked and barked and that hen ignored me. Being ignored is irritating so I decided to go have a chat with this big bird. I stepped off the porch and that's when it happened. That hen turned and stretched out her neck and flapped her wings and came toward me!! Well, I could tell right away she meant business and if I didn't back up, I was going to get a flapping and pecking. 

I didn't think I'd like that so I stopped as fast as I could. 

I don't remember much after that. Um, yeah. that's it. I forget what happened next. Let's go with that, not that I tucked my tail between my legs and headed for the back door and left Mom unguarded. What was I thinking to leave Mom outside with a crazed bird????

Mom came around and left me in the house, and she was laughing at me. Apparently, my shame is humorous to humans. But she gave me a Griller and told me I'm a good dog so we're good, and that's the important thing. 

The next time I see a wild turkey, I'll know what to do. I'll just bark. I'll look a lot braver in front of Mom that way. 

Loki has a long tail

It's pretty hot outside today. I'm taking it easy inside and staying close to my fave air conditioning vent in the dining room. If I get hot, I simply stretch out over it and wait for the AC to cycle on. It feels soooo good! 

That skanky cat likes the heat. I went to check on Mom (she's in her office) and I spotted Loki sleeping on the cedar chest. Mom put an old bedspread over it so he can't scratch it. 

I bet if I touched his tail, Loki would roll right off there and hit the floor.  Hmmmm. It's a lot of temptation, even for a good dog like me.

I'm Deuce, and I think I'll take the shot....

_ _ _

**Note from Mom. It was awesome. Loki hit the floor and chased Deuce all the way to the living room. I laughed, but don't tell Deuce. 

Writers can be sneaky

Mom does a lot of different things after she takes care of me and Dad. And Loki. Jeez, can't forget to mention that skanky cat or Mom will fuss me. One of the things Mom does is something she calls writing. That's not something I can help her with. 

When Mom is writing, I like to sleep under her desk. If she's wearing soft slippers, she'll rest her feet on me, or sometimes snuggle her bare toes beneath me. We like that. It's our thing. I like because I'll know immediately if she is leaving her desk. It's my job to keep an eye on her, you know. 

Mom's writing has been on something called a hiatus, but she's getting back to it. This week she's looking over a couple of older manuscripts that she found some mistakes in. Mom can curse like a sailor sometimes but as long as she's not slinging the f-bomb at me, we're good. 

Last night, she worked at writing while I took a nap on the bed. It rained earlier and I was bored, and a nap is a good cure for that. So I was asleep and Mom snuck out the door to our little porch without me! I did not like this. It might have been my fault because I wasn't under her desk, but I'll bet Mom did it on purpose. 

So now I have a new spot to nap - in front of the door blocking the exit. 

I'm Deuce and I'm not dumb. I got this all figured out. Mom won't get out the door without me again.

Nope. Didn't steal it.

I'm a good dog. I don't snatch Mom's socks without permission. I can't do that, anyway, because Mom doesn't leave her socks lying where I can find them. At least, not usually...

But if a pair of socks should happen to fall out of the drawer when Mom's getting dressed, and Mom doesn't see them, and if I happen to be right there, well...


I'm Deuce. I'm really a good dog. I picked up the socks for Mom. 

That's my story and I'm sticking to it. 

But now I have a question. Who is Rocket the Racoon and why did Mom ask me if I wanted it more?  
I bet she's been watching that Guardians of the Galaxy movie again.