Sunday, April 16, 2017

A snake is not a turtle

One day last year, when I was just a pup, Mom and I saw a turtle while we were out for a walk. It was pretty cool. Mom told me how when she was growing up she saw turtles all the time. Now - not so often.

Today, Mom looked out the window and told Dad to grab my collar and not let go. I didn't like the sound of that at all. Then Mom ran outside to see if she needed to put a bullet in the gun, and I liked the sound of that even less. 

It turns out Mom saw a big snake, and if it had been a Copperhead that near the house, she'd have killed it. A Copperhead snake is poisonous and could kill me. (I don't think I'd like that.) Anyway, it was a Black snake and Mom took a picture of it and then chased it away. 

She said Black snakes eat mice and moles, and while it might bite me if I annoy it too badly, it won't kill me. (I don't like the idea of anything biting me, especially on the nose!)

Mom said it was ready to shed its skin and I should leave it be. Shed its skin? Really? Snakes are stranger than turtles! 

I'll be on the lookout for the snake this summer. Mom says if I see it, I should bark. I can do that. 

I'm Deuce. I have the loudest, biggest, badest bark on the mountain. Everyone WILL hear me.

Saturday, April 8, 2017

Riding in Mom's car

Mom and Dad really do listen to me! They were sorry they left me home alone this morning and they took me for a ride in Mom's car! I even got to stick my nose out the window before we got on the highway. 


I don't get to ride in Mom's car much. I go along all the time in Dad's pickup, but not the car. I had so much fun!  Well, I didn't like having to wear a harness and be hooked to the seatbelt, but it didn't hurt me to tolerate it. We went all the way to Clear Spring and back!

I saw cows, horses and this ugly thing Mom called the Easter Bunny. It was standing outside of Denny's Restaurant waving at everyone. I might have bad dreams about that. It didn't look like any bunny I've ever seen! It was as big as a person! 

Mom says we can go for a drive in the car again soon. I'd like that. I just hope the Easter Bunny isn't out again. Talk about something to creep out even a brave dog like me! 

I'm Deuce, and I know creepy when it waves at me. 

Dog logic

This morning Mom and Dad have to take Mom's car in for an oil change. Has it been six months already? I really wish I could go with them, but they haven't said a word about taking me along. I'll just lie in the sun and be a good dog. Maybe if they have to step over me, they'll decide I can go with them.  

Tuesday, March 28, 2017

The Before and The After

I love, love, love to play Frisbee. The thing is, I'm a little hard on the equipment. Mom gets me a supply of perfect flying discs, and I just can't help myself - I ruin them. I have quite the collection if I must say so myself. Mom took a before and after photo to show it off for me. 

It's not like I mean to do it. It's just they make a really cool snapping noise when I bend them. I have to work really hard to get it to happen, too. Like really hard. 

Besides, I only do it when... well, I'd better not blame Mom and Dad for making bad throws. They might get angry and not play with me. But I only chew the Frisbee when they make a bad throw. It's frustrating! I need to catch the Frisbee before it stops moving! Catching it in the air is best, of course, but when it rolls on its edge works, too. As long as I get to it before it stops. That's the important thing. When it stops it ruins the fun and I get frustrated. So I try to teach it a lesson. Frisbees are stupid things. 

Mom and Dad clean the old Frisbees and throw them until they just won't fly. Mom says she might try putting them in a slightly warm oven to see if she can get them to flatten out again. It sounds to me like she doesn't have a lot of hope that will work. 

She looks at me and says it's a good thing they only cost a dollar....

Thursday, March 16, 2017

Snow day!

It snowed again and this time it snowed a lot! Mom came home from work on Monday and said we'd probably have a snow day tomorrow. I didn't get it. I'd seen snow and it was no big deal. How could snow prevent Mom from going to work? 

Well, now I know! Sometimes a lot of snow can fall and build up on the ground. And it can snow for hours and hours. I'm glad Mom didn't try to drive through all that. Staying home with me and Dad was a lot better. 

Mom got up at her usual time because I'm on a schedule. I go outside to pee at six o'clock every morning. Mom took her phone along to get a video of me the first time I saw this much snow. 

It was so much fun! Mom threw the Frisbee but I didn't take it back to her right away. Digging in the deep snow was too cool. And Dad said sometimes the snow is even deeper! I can't wait! 

I knew I was being bad when Mom told me to bring her the Frisbee and I didn't. I tried to pretend I couldn't hear her but I could. Mom tried to be firm but she was laughing under her breath at me. I deserved it, though. I finally did give her the Frisbee and she put her phone away and we played for awhile. Then we both had cold feet so we went inside. 

It was fun to have Mom home all day. We watched it snow and went in and out all day to play. After it finished snowing, the wind started to blow and Mom said "no" to playing more Frisbee. That was okay because I was getting tired! I sleep really good that night. 

Mom says it'll be months and months before it snows again. I hope I remember snow until then.

Tuesday, March 7, 2017

I glow in the dark!

I'm a black dog so when Mom and I go outside after dark, I disappear. Apparently, I've worried Mom a few times, so much so she got me a fancy lighted collar. 

The blue glow makes me feel prancy. When I go around the corner, I can see better, too. It mostly shows me things I'd like to pick up off the ground and taste, but Mom doesn't like me to do that. 

Anyway, Mom and I walked out the lane and she didn't have to call for me to come back at all. I went up into the thicket to see if a deer was there and she said, "I see you. Don't go any farther." So I didn't. 

Then Mom took a couple of pictures, one with flash and one without. I look like an alien dog! Pretty cool, if I do say so myself. 


Sunday, March 5, 2017

Sunday morning with Mom

It's been awhile since I've had time to blog. Mom's been really busy. Her mom fell and is in the hospital. Whatever this Alzheimer's Disease is, it makes Mom sad so I do not like it. 

Mom was up early this morning. It was my fault. I was awake and bored so I nudged at her until she got up. I guess I should not have done that. Anyway, it happened and it might have been a good thing. 

This huge flock of blackbirds landed in the trees out back. They were soooo noisy. I barked and barked but they wouldn't shut up! Mom was annoyed and told me about how when she first moved here the blackbirds were a real problem. In fact, the old empty shotgun casings I find were left here in 1981 when Uncle Dick had to come and fire the shotgun to chase the birds away. Mom remembers that so she put a bullet in the little .22 and fired a shot. Those nasty birds took off! Mom's the boss, you know. 

Dad got up after that happened and they watched some of the cooking shows. Boring. In fact, I got so bored I hopped up on the loveseat with Mom and made her pay attention to me. Dad took our picture, which I don't think Mom liked because her hair was all messy. 

Mom told me to get off her lap. She says I weigh a ton but I know better. It's only seventy-five pounds, not two thousand. I asked nicely if I really had to get down so Mom relented and allowed me to stay on her lap until she finished her coffee. Then she took me outside and we played ball until she got cold. Dad took me out and we played Frisbee and I found his old Bluetooth earpiece that he lost last summer. He was happy and told me what a good boy I am.

Of course, I already knew that. I'm Deuce! 

Monday, February 20, 2017

I'll go pee later

Mom had to go to a viewing tonight. I'm not sure what that is but I know I had to stay home with Dad. 

For the record, I don't like when Mom goes out after dark without me. 

Come to think of it, I don't like to go out after dark without Mom. 

After  Mom got home, I needed to go outside, so we went. I was sniffing around, looking for the perfect spot, when Mom told me to look for the "critters."

I didn't see any critters. All I saw were eyeballs. Lots and lots of glowing eyeballs. I told Mom to RUN and took off for the house. Did she listen to me? Nooooo. 

She laughed. I'm not speaking to her right now. 

I never did get to pee and I might just hold it until morning. Those eyeballs were spooky!

Sunday, February 19, 2017

A warm weekend in February

Mom, Dad and me have been enjoying a warm weekend. It's great to be outside in the sunshine. Sunshine means I get to play Frisbee for a long time and Mom will take me for a long walk. 

We took a walk a bit ago. Mom has a wristband gizmo that counts her steps. She took 6032 steps so I know I had to have run for 10,064. 

Mom took a short video of me and Dad playing Frisbee. We played for a long time but this is all the video Mom took. She said it was enough because I caught the Frisbee. 

Hey! I'm Deuce. If you throw the Frisbee correctly, I WILL catch it. 

Thursday, February 2, 2017

Never too old

Dad says I'll never be too big to sit on his lap. 

He might be wrong. I just fit. Like, JUST fit. But as long as Dad will help keep me from sliding off, I'll never be too old to enjoy a few minutes on his lap. It makes me remember when I was a little guy. 

He really is there. Those are his hands. Dad takes really good care of me. He'll never let me fall on my nose.

Monday, January 30, 2017

Watching tv with Mom

Dad took a picture of me on the loveseat with Mom. We were watching the Artful Detective. Mom doesn't allow me up on the sofa very often. We were talking to each other and she invited me up. 

Well, she talks. I make funny dog sounds. But we understand each other. It's all good fun. 

Dad took the picture, but there wasn't enough light so it's grainy. He tried a couple shots with the flash but I look like a devil dog with glowing eyes. 

It was nice to spend a few minutes being close to Mom, but there's not much room on the loveseat. Don't tell her, but sometimes when she's a work I take my afternoon nap on it. 

I'm Deuce. I know when to be sneaky, and that's when Mom's not watching. 

Wednesday, January 25, 2017

But...but... but... it smelled good!

I blew it again this morning. Mom and I like to go for a short walk before she leaves for work so I can do all my outside activities. 

So I did them. You know. The two "Ps."

Then I got a whiff of something very interesting. I found it. I rolled on it. Mom doused me with the garden hose (it was cold!) and lots of soap. 

Then I had to go in the crate. 

Now Mom is threatening to take me to the Pet Wash station. I must remember that even though it smells good to me, Mom might not like it. And if Mom doesn't like it, it's not a good thing for lil' ole me. 

Sunday, January 22, 2017

It's good to feel good!

I feel so much better today - like my old self. I slept really well last night and then had a big
breakfast this morning. Mom played ball and Frisbee with me. It was fun. It seemed like forever since I've felt like playing. 

Even though I feel fine, I decided to take my nap on the bed. Mom tried to take my picture but I was in the middle of the bed with all four paws in the air. Mom said a picture like that would be puppy porn, and I had to move. 

I tried, but we got to playing and Mom finally scratched my chin and said she'd find a good picture that was almost like the way I look today. 

Mom's really glad I feel better, and so am I. I really did not want to go to the vet.

Saturday, January 21, 2017

Oh, my stomach...

What did I eat? My belly hurts...

I've been feeling bad for a few days. I don't remember what I ate, but it bit me back. I had to go outside - and then I had to go again. And again. I got a good cleaning out but it was not a pleasant experience. Every time I'd get a drink, I'd have to go outside. So I stopped drinking and Mom went crazy. 

She started to talk about taking me to the vet. I do not like the vet. He sticks me with sharp needles. Mom gave me ice cubes and that was okay. So when Dad offered me a little Gatorade, I slurped it down. For future reference, it wasn't bad. It made me want to drink more. Can a dog get addicted to Gatorade?

I'm being very careful this morning. I drank a little bit and ate a Meaty Bone biscuit, but I'm not quite ready for a big meal. Maybe Dad will make me toast again. I liked that. I want to play ball, too, and Mom said no. She said I have to eat a meal first. Mom's tough, but she loves me. 

She got some of her homemade chicken broth out of the freezer and mixed it with water. I drank the whole bowl! She says if that "sits" well, in about an hour she'll put some over a little bit of my puppy chow and see what happens. 

Whatever I ate, and Mom says we'll never know because it was more than likely something outside on the ground, I hope this never happens again. 

I don't like to feel sick. 

Wednesday, January 18, 2017

I yielded to temptation - and got away with it

It seems I was "mischievous" last night. Mom and Dad laughed at me and I heard them say it was really Mom's fault. She accepted the responsibility and I didn't get fussed at all. 

Mom took a picture a little while ago so I could explain. And fuss her for a change. 

See my boney on the dining room table? See it lying so close to the edge I can see it? I've got long legs and a long reach. That's my boney and when I saw it on the table, I simply reached over and got it. 

Okay, so I know better than to stick my nose on the table. But Mom and Dad weren't eating. And it was my boney. I'm a smart dog. And slick, too. I didn't make a sound. 

Mom told me I got away with one, and so I did. I bet she'll never leave my boney on the edge of the table again. 

I'm Deuce. I'm a good dog. I'll get Mom trained one of these days. 

Sunday, January 15, 2017

Happy 1st Birthday to me!

Yesterday was my first birthday, and Mom and Dad spoiled me all day long. It was kinda difficult to do, too, because the weather was nasty. It was cold and icy, with sleet coming down. We didn't get to go to town. 

Since it was too wet to go outside and play, I took my spot on Mom's bed. From my spot, I can watch out the window. There wasn't much to see because of the sleet, but I was nice and comfy and my paws stayed dry. 

Mom and Dad said we needed a birthday cake. I'm not sure what that is, but I know what pancakes are. I love, love, love pancakes! And since it was my birthday, I got more than a single bite. I got a whole pancake! With butter! And I got to lick the plates for a change. So that was my birthday cake. I liked it.

Mom and I did get to go outside later in the afternoon and play ball. That was fun. Mom got cold but I didn't mind it much. 

Then I got chicken for dinner. That was really good. Dad didn't like it much. I heard Mom tell him a little bit of spinach wouldn't hurt him, but he whined worse than me. 

It was nice to have Mom home with me and Dad for my first birthday. I got lots of treats, I napped in Mom's office with her while she worked on a story instead of helping me blog. I guess being one means understanding she sometimes has work to do. 

I got lots of food and treats - more than usual. But all-in-all, a birthday is kinda like any other day. Now I have to figure out how to behave like a dog and not a puppy. That might be tough, but I'm Deuce! I can do it!  

Saturday, January 7, 2017

Slip-sliding is bad

It's time to face the music. I'm not as young as I used to be. I used to bounce when I landed on my butt. Not any longer...

That's me hiding under Mom's desk. Well, I'm half under it. Mom gave me a baby aspirin a little bit ago and now I feel soooo much better. 

We went outside to play ball - I love balls! - and I must have slipped on the snow. My right hind leg hurts. Mom and Dad felt it all over from my spine to my toes. It feels good when Mom massages my toes. She ran her hands over all my joints, even my tail. Nothing hurt until she got to the really meaty muscle in my haunch that gives me all the thrust for speed. Then I started to shake and I put my mouth on Mom's hand. That's how Mom knew she'd hit the spot that hurts.

I didn't bite.  I know better than to ever bite Mom and Mom knows not to jerk away and scrape her fingers on my teeth.

I don't remember what I did to maybe pull a muscle. I was running and playing on the snowy ground so it must have happened when I jumped and came down kinda hard. Mom and I came inside and when I tried to sit, it hurt. So Mom said I could lie on the loveseat with her for a little while and maybe I'd feel better. That's when Mom gave me the baby aspirin. 

It worked and I decided to go back to the office with Mom. I sure hope I can get off the floor on my own when it's time for bed. I'm almost one year old. It'll be embarrassing if Mom has to help me get up like I'm a little guy.  I'll never live it down.

Friday, January 6, 2017

Snow is cool!

I've mentioned a few times how Mom is a little crazy. She still has one of my baby fangs, you know. Last night I knew something was up with her. She kept looking out the windows - all of them. It got so bad I jumped up on the loveseat and took a snooze on her spot and she didn't say a word about it. 

About seven o'clock, she yelled for me. She called me "Deucie-baby" so I jumped off the sofa and ran to her. I love it when she calls me that. I thought we were going to bed early - I love sleeping on the bed - but she opened the back door instead. 

"It's snowing, Deucie," she said, all excited. I went out on the patio with her and sure enough, these little white flakes were falling from the sky. It was weird!

"Wait until tomorrow morning. You'll like snowballs," she said. 

Well, yeah. If it's a ball, I'm gonna like it! Except for the one on New Year's Eve. Can't play with that one. What a dud.

First thing this morning nine deer went through the front yard. I could really see them against the snow. I started to think snow is a good thing. 

As soon as we (I see better than Mom in the dark) could see outside, we went to check out the snow. Mom said we got off easy with the snow - only about two inches. She grabbed a handful of snow off her car and made a snowball. She threw it and it disappeared! How'd she do that? Then she made a snowball and tossed it for me to catch. Snow is really cold. 

We played Frisbee for a couple of throws and then Mom said her feet were cold. Her feet? What about my paws? They were really cold, too! 

Snow seems like a good thing to me. If two inches is fun, I bet a foot is even better. I'm going to listen to Mom and Dad real close the next time they mention snow. Maybe next time I can figure out how snowballs disappear when they hit the ground.

Sunday, January 1, 2017

What's the fuss about New Year's Eve?

New Year's Eve sure is noisy around here! It's really difficult for a growing boy - me - to get in his beauty sleep. All day, Mom and Dad were talking about the neighbors and their guns and now I know why. 

First off, I'm not sure what the fuss is about New Year's. A day is a day is a day. Except when Mom is home all day. Then it's sorta special. I like my people to be with me. 

So I can watch them. Like a hawk. Their every twitch. I count how many times they walk by the Grillers treats jar and don't give me one. Anyway...

Mom stayed up late to "watch the ball drop." Hey! I love, love, love balls! I KNOW balls. This one was a big dud. Boring. Anyway...

Mom and Dad got smoochy and then the racket began. A bunch of the neighbors started firing their guns. It was really loud! The noise echoed off the mountains and I finally got tired of it. I barked! Mom told me I was a good boy and we ran for the door to go outside so I could bark even louder.

I barked and only a few of my barking buddies answered me. There's a really deep voice up the hill and he wasn't talking. Then there's the female on the lower road (I can tell she's a girl) and she didn't answer me, either. If they don't answer, our network collapses. I only heard from the yappy voice a little north of me and I can never tell if that little dog is answering me or what he's doing. I think he just likes to be mouthy. Anyway...

After I barked a few times, all the shooting stopped. Mom says I'm The Boss. I was really glad it got quiet again because it was way past my bedtime. 

Mom says we'll do it again next New Year's Eve. Seriously? Why? I need my sleep!